GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Hold still right before we crash, 'cause we both know how this ends. A clock ticks 'till it breaks your glass and I drown in you again. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

FAMILY FEUD! The Cheney sisters are taking their argument over gay marriage to Facebook. This is gonna be one awkward Thanksgiving dinner!

A Methodist pastor could be defrocked for the unholy crime of officiating at his son's same-sex wedding. RELIGION IS THE WORRRRRRRST.

Good news: GOP moneybags are spending dramatically less this year... probably because it's difficult for even assholes to fund an organization in shambles. In a related story, ha-ha-ha.

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford refuses to resign, and says he would have admitted he smoked crack much earlier—but no one asked him! (See? IT'S YOUR FAULT.)

Tornados ripped through the midwest yesterday, killing six in Illinois.

A Russian jetliner crashes, killing 50.

Shamed cyclist Lance Armstong has decided he's not going down alone—he's accused former Union Cycliste Internationale president Hein Verbruggen of covering up his positive doping tests.

As editors go, it turns out that Rebekah Brooks of Rupert Murdoch's phone-hacking newspapers was even a bigger jerk than me!

The Supreme Court refuses to hear a case in which the government authorized spying into millions of Verizon phone records, saying the government or Verizon would have to complain. FAT CHANCE.

In case you missed it, Ace Hotel co-founder Alex Calderwood passed away over the weekend at the much too young age of 47 years old. (He also helped create the Rudy's line of barbershops.)

Here's yet another story of the wild embarrassment known as Oregon's healthcare website (AKA Cover Oregon). Cute billboards, though.

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Windy and showery today, but clearing starts tomorrow followed by lots of sun through the end of the week.

And finally, here's the perfect metaphor for your Monday—a baby walking on ice for the first time. THIS IS SO YOU.