I really appreciate you addressing the locker room on your podcast. I have been going crazy over the past year—it's to the point where I feel like there needs to be something serious done. I am a straight male and a physique competitor. I have placed highly in competitions so I know that I have a physique that draws attention. I put a lot of work into it and even appreciate a lot of the male attention I do receive. I am gay friendly. I grew up Mormon and my cousin came out as gay ten years ago and I am the only one in the family that has supported him. I left the Mormon church and have been active helping him and his husband fight for their rights to the point where it has ostracized me from the family as well. I am comfortable around gay men. I roomed with my cousin and his husband for a over a year. I have quite a few other gay friends. I am 100% pro-gay.

But I feel like a part of me is turning "homophobic" due to gym locker room behavior. I am the first to say that I know it is not every gay guy that is inappropriate, but I am not crazy, and I am not up in my head about this. There are quite a few that are. I am ok if I am checked out by gay guys. Out on the gym floor they can check out all they want. I have even had different photo shoots that I am happy to know they would want to use it for whatever they want. I really pride myself in being comfortable with that.

However, when I am changing in the locker room after a workout, or in the shower, it is NOT OK for me to look up and get winked at or to catch someone staring at me who doesn't even think of looking away. Or blowing a kiss my way! Since I am a physique competitor, I need to shower at the gym because I go twice a day at a gym by my work. I also workout harder than the average joe, I sweat a lot. I need to shower there to keep my job and this hobby. But it has gotten to a point where I feel uncomfortable and dread going to the locker room. I would love to point out the people to management, but it has happened well over 30 times in the past year. I sometimes feel like I'd report a quarter of the gym. The part about it I hate the most is how I find myself picking out and dreading and avoiding gay men in the locker room. I don't like being that way. I don't like having the feelings that they shouldn't be in there. I have struggled quite a bit with this.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for making a point to your listeners about not ogling people in locker rooms—and for not denying that it goes on. I appreciate knowing that you addressed it and that there are gay men, like your caller, who feels the same way I do about it. That really helped me to know it doesn't have to be a gay vs. straight thing. It's just a decent vs. indecent thing.

SLC Bodybuilder

My response after the jump...

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Thanks for sharing, SLCB, and I'm sorry you've been on the receiving end of so much unwelcome attention from gay men who've clearly lost their own personal decent vs. indecent struggles. And, holy crap, I've seen some inappropriate shit in lockers rooms—some real creepy moves—but I've never seen a guy blow a kiss at another guy. (At least not at a guy who wasn't already known to him/previously blown by him.) That's some über creepy creeping right there—and, once again, it's not okay.

All that said (and meant!), SLCB...

While my sympathies are with you and while, again, this shit is not okay and it shouldn't be happening—creeping, leering, winking, blowing kisses (!)—your letter reminded me of the single best definition of straight male homophobia that I've ever read:

Homophobia: The fear that gay men will treat you the way you treat women.

In most cases that straight male fear—that gay men will treat you the way you treat women—is misplaced or overblown. i.e. most gay men don't go around ogling or harassing straight guys (just as most straight guys don't go around ogling or harassing women); some straight guys have an irrational fear being so much as thought of in a sexual way by another man. But the way you've been made to feel in locker rooms, SLCB? That's the way women are made to feel pretty much anyplace they go that isn't a locker room.

While women are annoyed and upset by creepers—and some are fighting back in creative ways—you probably wouldn't think it was fair for women to hate on all straight men everywhere for the actions of the small-but-statistically-significant number of straight male creepers they encounter on buses, subways, street corners, etc. In the same spirit, SLCB, you should continue to resist the urge to hate on all gay men everywhere for the actions of the small-but-statistically-significant number of gay creepers you've encountered at your gym.