GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I find I spend my time, waiting on your call. How can I tell you, baby? My back's against the wall. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
American and British spies are now eavesdropping on you while you play World of Warcraft. (Apparently al-Qaida wants our nerds?)
Protestors knock over a statue of Lenin in the Ukraine, vowing that their current president is next! (The police are not pleased.)
Eight major tech companies (including Google and Microsoft) are starting a campaign blitz to ask the government to stop snooping all up in our shit.
The one-year anniversary of the Clackamas Town Center Shooting is in two days.
It's not just us freezing our nippies—the entire country is being bombarded by ICE.
A bloody riot breaks out between Brazilian soccer fans—so can we please just take a moment to appreciate our loud, but nonviolent Timbers Army?
The gay waitress who allegedly made up the story about getting a homophobic note instead of a tip has been FIRED.
Power rock band Heart joins Willie Nelson and the Barenaked Ladies in refusing to play Sea World after seeing the documentary on whale abuse, Blackfish.
Since Oklahoma legislators voted to allow a Ten Commandments monument outside the state capitol, guess who else wants one? THE SATANISTS! (Yay, Satanists!)
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: IT'S COLD, Y'ALL! And you can possibly expect snow and freezing drizzle between this afternoon and the morning. You know what to do... PANIC!!!
And finally... A TALKING BOAT?!?! Now I've seen everything!