A few observations, not intended to influence your voting:
0:03: First appearance of product placement (Hooters)
0:10: Second appearance of product placement (Dick's Sporting Goods)
0:19: Drew Barrymore guzzling Hooters' world-famous French Onion Soup! First giant audience laugh with the crowd I saw this with
0:27: Adam Sandler walks in on his teenage daughter using Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles as falsies
0:35: Admittedly, a pretty good joke about a crappy little kid looking like Frodo
0:39: RUN WENDI McLENDON-COVEY, GET OUT OF THIS MOVIE, RUN RUN RUN
0:43: First appearance of bizarre, weirdly specific plot device involving a trip to Africa
0:45: First use of the time-honored "African drums" sound effect
1:03: Fuck it, everyone who remembers The Brady Bunch has to be dead by now
1:06: First use of the most Lion King-y and/or Book of Mormon-y "African men singing" song ever (actually a traditional Ugandan hymn, "The Rhythm of the Saints")
1:12: Black person? Doing jazz hands? Second giant audience laugh with the crowd I saw this with
1:20: Joke about how it's funny when kids say "butthole"
1:21: Joke about how it's funny when Adam Sandler says "butthole"
1:26: First appearance of uplifting music that denotes Life Lessons to be learned
1:30: RUN KEVIN NEALON, GET OUT OF THIS MOVIE, RUN RUN RUN
1:38: White people drinking drinks on outdoor couches cheer after being asked if they're ready to see "the real Africa"
1:47: Second appearance of uplifting music that denotes tourists riding on ostriches ("the real Africa")
1:49: White children dance, black adults cheer them on
1:58: A crappy little animal hangs out with lions; we're told "even in nature there are blended families"
2:00: Crappy little animal dies, jk nature fucking hates blended families
2:15: Parachute shenanigans! Third giant audience laugh with the crowd I saw this with
2:20: Black people laughing at parachute shenanigans, as black people do
2:22: "Directed by Frank Coraci"