America. Bring gun on bus. Fiddle with gun on bus. The gun will discharge from all the fiddling, terrifying everyone. Go to the strip club to wait for cops. America.

And also: School shooting. America.

President Obama's speech yesterday on reining in NSA's omniscient online probing? It was cold comfort to Google, Microsoft. and other Internet giants.

A frightening brazen attack by Taliban gunmen on a popular Kabul restaurant, last night. It was payback, the Taliban says, for a recent airstrike.

I know it sounds fun, but it is almost always a terrible idea to represent yourself in court. Particularly if, as with local man Quinton Lewis, you're facing serious felony charges.

A now-shuttered Gresham bakery that refused to bake a wedding cake for a lesbian couple illegally discriminated against the women, the state's Bureau of Labor and Industries has ruled. The bakery's owners had said the specter of baking the devil-cake imperiled their religious beliefs, and have vowed to fight the ruling.

Ubiquitous Portland car salesman Ron Tonkin is dead. I once worked in a condo building where his son lives. One time the son got mad at me for something that wasn't my fault. I don't remember what. You shrug those types of things off when you work in a condo building.

At least 18 people were stampeded to death at a funeral in India earlier today.

As Chris Christie's reputation continues to unravel, there are new allegations he demanded political tribute in exchange for hurricane relief money.

It's January in Portland so you KNOW it's gonna be a sunny week.

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Have a nice weekend, y'all. I'm stuck inside trying to get Blaze in his goddam kennel.