GOOD MORNING, NEWS! I'm doin' a hundred on the highway, so if you do the speed limit, get the fuck outta my way. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The Seahawks won the Super Bowl in a game that was... well... the first half was fun, but I skedaddled after Bruno Mars. Final score: Seahawks 43- Broncos 8. Ouch and yawn.

UGHH. And in case you missed it, terrific and beloved actor Philip Seymour Hoffman passed away on Sunday of an apparent heroin overdose. UGHHHHHH. He was 46.

CNN is reporting that authorities found close to 50 bags of heroin in Hoffman's apartment. But... it's CNN, so take that information as you will.

Also UGHH. Film director Woody Allen released a statement on Sunday denying that he sexually abused adopted daughter Dylan Farrow when she was seven years old. UGGHHHHHH.

President Obama lays into Bill O'Reilly in a pre-Super Bowl interview, claiming that Fox News keeps picking the scabs off wounds that have already healed.

Congress has until Friday to lift the debt limit, according to the US Treasury Secretary, or we're looking at yet another government shutdown. HERE WE GO AGAIN.

A Michigan prisoner convicted of four murders escapes, and took a woman hostage (who happily got away). The manhunt continues.

The late Nelson Mandela left his $4.1 million estate to family members—who are already squabbling like little babies.

The national abortion rate is the lowest since 1973—and it's most likely due to education rather than crazy anti-abortion legislation.

New research says that gay and bi teenage boys are six times more likely to buff up with steroids to achieve an idealized sexy physique.

A Maine 13-year-old suffers burns after the iPhone she was carrying in her pocket burst into flames. HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL?

Author JK Rowling admits that she should've had Hermione marry Harry Potter instead of Ron. HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU FEEL?

Locally, a "pantless flasher" was running around NE Alameda this morning, and is still at large. (Him, not his penis.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Showers and a possible flurry today, and sunny WINDY weather through Friday!

And finally, what was going on with JC Penney's Twitter account during the Super Bowl? Is my drunk Uncle Jerry working for them now?

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