GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I try to discover a little something to make me sweeter. Oh baby refrain, from breaking my heart. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Groupon celebrates President's Day by celebrating "President Alexander Hamilton" who, of course, wasn't a president at all. Maybe go for President Benjamin Franklin next time!

Dibs on the movie rights! An Ethiopian jet co-pilot hijacks his own plane and asks for asylum in Geneva. (Maybe Amy Adams for the love interest?)

A woman accused in a Craigslist murder is now saying she's killed many, many more, and "stopped counting" after she "hit 22."

Olympian Bode Miller is brought to tears by a NBC reporter who kept asking him about his dead brother, because... JOURNALISM!

While Islamic militants are staging attacks a few hundred miles away, security around the Olympics appear to be getting more and more lax.

Congressional Democrats hatch a new plan to screw over their teabaggy overlords—by pushing for a minimum wage hike and immigration reform.

Two Seattle teens are seriously hurt after an alleged science project involving model rockets goes terribly wrong.

Kickstarter gets hacked, but the company says that while customer data was breeched, no credit card info was obtained. Phew! So maybe I will help kickstart those guys with the "cat toilet" company.

And here's a story courtesy of Blogtown consulting detective Graham, about a reality show-starring, Pentecostal snake-handling preacher who gets... surprise! Killed by a snake.

Portland Public School administrators and teachers are meeting again today after an eight hour session where union reps made concessions—but no deal has been reached. At this point, the strike is still on for Thursday.

The Oregonian editorial board writes another screed against the homeless, as they laugh haughtily and light their cigars with hundred dollar bills.

Here's your Olympic medal count so far, which shows the U.S. slipping to the number seven spot:

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Rain, rain, rain, rain... but a chance of SUNNY by Saturday!

And finally, here's the future Olympic sport of the day... CAT CURLING with actual cats. (Waitasecond... are we totally sure that cat isn't dead?)