The following I, Anonymous author of "Why Isn't My Lawn Grown?" ponders the "freakshow" existence of his neighbor's fence. This dear scholar also does terrible, terrible things to the English language, while pondering why neighbor's grass aren't sprouted. Why, indeed, isn't lawn grown? Could it be gophers? Might it be the lack of King Sun's life-affirming rays? How's about nitrates in the soil? Nope. That shit's getting pissed upon.

Here's the thing: The grass dies because I pee through and over the fence long after you go to bed. Every. Single. Night.

I try to angle some of my urine streams to create sprays using posts from your fence. It's funny because you ribboned off the area to foot/animal traffic, but my stanky acidic piss eats and destroys all your hard work. Haw?

Haw! Yes, no question.

The not-so-gentle I, Anonymous commenters lay into Mr. Pissy Pants in what is undoubtedly a fine corner of the Mercury's empire... the comments section of the I, Anonymous Blog. Go there! Read their wittery. And maybe leave a rant or confession of your own.