Dan is on vacation! Please enjoy this Golden Oldie from June 29, 2011.
I'm a 28-year-old gay man, living with my partner for two years. I've always been open about wanting to be tied up, spanked, maybe trussed up in leather bondage gear. He's always been open about his reluctance to indulge me, saying he needs time to get used to it. I'm inclined to believe him, because it took him quite a while to get to the point of just being willing to strap me to the bed and jerk me. I'd like to explore some other aspects of my fetishes. He says we will but thinking about me in kinky gear makes him anxious.
We had a bit of an argument about this, and I've agreed to drop the subject of my kinks while we're on vacation. He's worth waiting for: We click emotionally, he's sexy, I love his smell, we enjoy spending time together, I love the cuddles, we love each other madly, and the vanilla sex we have is great. So if he never got past this at all, it might not be a deal breaker, but I'm hoping you have some ideas about how to make it more fun and less stressful or off-putting for him.
Boyfriend Isn't Necessarily Delivering My Erotics
My response after the jump...
There's one way you could make your kinks less stressful for your boyfriend: Outsource 'em.
Unlike straight married men who want to be tied up and spanked, BINDME, you wouldn't have to pay (or travel) for it. The supply-and-demand problem that complicates the lives of so many kinky straight men—there are too many kinky men out there chasing too few kinky women—isn't an issue for kinky gay men. Kinky gay men with vanilla partners have the option of jumping on Recon.com or other kink sites and finding a few bondage buddies, i.e., guys they get together with for free sex-free bondage sessions.
If your boyfriend doesn't want to sign off on that, and you're willing to hang in there, you should. A vanilla guy who's strapping you to the bed at two years could be helping you pick out hardcore bondage gear for your wedding registry at four. It sounds like this relationship has a lot going for it, BINDME, so you might want to take his word for it when he says that he'll get there for you.
It certainly won't hurt to give the subject a rest over your vacation, particularly if you've been plaguing him about it recently. But let him know, post-vacation, that while you're willing to be patient (you are being patient), you're ultimately going to explore your kinks with him—your preferred option—or you're going to need his permission to explore your kinks without him. But you're not going to not explore your kinks.