Brett Ratner is not what anyone would call a "good" director (obligatory shrimp cocktail link), but the man behind three Rush Hours, an X-Men, Red Dragon, Tower Heist, and—for some reason this is always the first one I remember—After the Sunset is BACK, and he's figured out how to make me super excited to see one of his movies. (As someone who once watched Rush Hour 3 immediately after getting hit by a truck*, this is no small feat.) How did Ratner pull this off?
HE CAST THE ROCK AS HERCULES. Look at this thing. This looks like a big-budget Hercules: Kevin Sorbo's Legendary Journeys—but with the Rock! Being all Rock-y! This looks more Conan than the last Conan. But it has the Rock in it! Fighting monsters!
I will watch this! So long as there isn't a Woody Allen cameo. Zing!
Thus concludes your daily The Rock update.
*"I think I might need to go to the hospital," I told my friend midway through the movie. "I think I got knocked down harder than I thought. I'm super confused." "You're fine, that's just the movie," my friend said, "I'm super confused too." The scene I was super confused about, if I remember correctly**, was one in which Roman Polanski was snapping on a rubber glove and making a joke about anally violating someone? (Probably Chris Tucker.) CINEMA: OUR FINEST ART FORM.
**Ugh, gross. I did remember correctly! I wish I hadn't!