GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! All your life all you've asked when's your daddy gonna talk to you, but you were living in another world, tryin' to get your message through. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
The Supremes puts the kibosh on certain limitations to campaign financing, which will not only change how big money donates to politicians, but likely increase it. (Phew! Now the Koch Brothers can finally finance my run for Dictator of the Universe.)
In case you missed it, President Obama got the 7.1 million health care sign-ups he was looking for, prompting him to respond to his critics, "Nah-nah-nah-boo-boo, stick your face in doo-doo."
Russian President Vladmir Putin is officially getting divorced from his wife of 30 years—WHAAAAA?? He seems like such a dreamboat to live with!
Speaking of Russia, a NATO commander says that Putin has put together an extremely large build-up of troops along the Ukraine border, and could begin moving in on the country within 12 hours of being given the go-ahead.
The highest court in Australia rules to recognize a "third gender"—neither man or woman—which will end years of discrimination. It's not a race, but this puts Australia in the lead of "who's the most progressive" race. Okay, fine, it is a race.
An 8.2 magnitude quake hits northern Chile, but miraculously killed only six people.
Today in "the world is a terrible place": A Michigan woman who was recognized on TV news for being in a same-sex marriage was beaten unconscious by homophobes.
Today in "eeeeeaaughhhhhh!": A Pennsylvania tree trimmer's chainsaw kicks back and lodges in his neck, missing his carotid artery by a mere centimeter.
Sizzle Pie wins the award for nicest April Fool's prank, putting free pizza slice coupons disguised as parking tickets on local cars...but forgot mine. Guess the joke's on me. :(
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Partly sunny today, with a very wet weekend ahead. (But look at next Tuesday... 72 degrees?!?!?)
And finally... BaneCat. (You know... a cat who's a better Bane than the actual Bane? I think I might own this cat.)