GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Now shawty said she feelin' my style, she feelin' my flow. Her girlfriend willin' to get bi, and they ready to go. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

First of all, YES TO THIS.

The Supremes decline to rule on the case of a homophobic New Mexico photography company who refused to shoot a same-sex couple commitment ceremony on the grounds of "free speech." Ah, this one is laced with irony.

Kiev accuses pro-Russian protesters of attempting to "dismember" their country while attempting a "replay of the Crimean scenario."

Republican Jeb Bush said something really nice and thoughtful about illegal immigrants—and yes, everyone was shocked!

Around 100 meatheads were arrested at a Southern California college party, when a huge fight broke out between the aforementioned meatheads and police.

In case you missed it, golden age film actor Mickey Rooney—forever beloved by me for his role in Santa Claus is Comin' to Towndied Sunday at the age of 93.

CNN is still covering the missing Malaysian flight like its the only story in the world, aaaaaand really still have nothing to report.

For all of you who still call me "old-timey" for keeping my satellite TV service instead of just watching it on my computer, I hope you enjoyed last night's episode of Game of Thrones, and... oh, what's that? HBO GO crashed again, and you missed it?? Awwwwwwww. Well, let me tell you, I watched it and it... was... great!

Oscar Pistorius takes the stand in his own defense after being accused of murdering his girlfriend, and puts on quite the performance. (But you, sir, are no Matthew McConaughey.)

A 3.3 magnitude earthquake hits nearby Sherwood, Oregon on Sunday—for those of you counting the minutes to the upcoming Portland Quakepocalypse.

An intoxicated Oregon man drives up on the sidewalk, hits another car, and attacks his girlfriend when she tries to take his keys away. Oh, and he was arrested while wearing a t-shirt that read "DRUNK AS SHIT."

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Get our yer thong! It's gonna be mostly sunny with a high of 73!

And finally, Jim Cummings (the voice of Winnie the Pooh) does a table read of Star Wars in which he'd Darth Vader, and the results are HILARIOUS.