Planes! Films! Erotic fanfic! It's this week's Mercury Letters page:

—Wearin' SPF F-15 (nice handle!) is concerned about "a hazy, panoramic tic-tac-toe board upon which the ancient Roman gods surely have many wonderful games," which is a rather overwrought way of saying "chemtrails." Are you?

—Oxygen Elmo love The Raid 2, "of course," and suggests we re-review it with a critic who isn't "a total pretentious asshole." (No thanks, we've moved on.)

—The sun is making more-frequent appearances which means it's time to cue the hand wringing over Last Thursday. It used to be less annoying, claims The Showstopper, while Chunty McHutchence suggests we "invoice the asshat developers bulldozing historic homes to build $700k McMansions and split-lot monstrosities. They're profiting more than anyone else." Oooh, burn!

—Eyes Wide Open calls the city's latest plans for homelessness "beyond schizophrenic," rousting small homeless camps while they're "prepared to throw a million at R2D2" at the same time.

—And finally, human in training imagines what it would be like if the Mercury were a chef, sneaking in " a dollop of feces or a mouthful of phlegm into an otherwise healthy dish, just to be a disgusting asshole." I guess h.i.t.'s not a fan of ScarJo's writing?