GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Now it seems pretty strange, but I'm not buggin', 'cause I still feel the same, yeah yeah. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Russia is "days away" from tougher sanctions by the US, if they don't start doing something to ease tensions in Ukraine—such as settling their differences politically instead of steamrolling the populace.
Vladimir Putin's main critic, Alexei Navalny, who spearheaded several anti-government protests has been fined $8,400 for slander, and may be sent to prison. So the message is clear: No more criticizing the government in Russia, please!
Some Republicans and their big money donors are pushing the GOP to give up on fighting against same sex marriage—because I think we all can agree they've got bigger fish to fry. (Oh hello, Tea Party, I didn't see you standing there.)
OH DEAR GOD, CNN!! Will you PLEASE stop talking about that missing Malaysian jet?!? JUST... STOP!!
A congressman from Los Angeles is trying to woo the company that makes your beloved Sriracha hot sauce away from their complaining neighbors, and into his district. HEY SRIRACHA! Move to Portland instead! We've got Voodoo Doughnuts!
According to one research group, the chances of a city-leveling asteroid smashing into the earth are higher than we previously expected. (Seriously, move that Sriracha company to Portland stat, before it gets smashed by an asteroid!!)
HBO agrees to allow Amazon Prime to stream some of their older shows (like The Wire and The Sopranos)—though you will still have to wait up to three years to see nude Lena Dunham.
A lawyer is fighting for chimps (and other animals) to receive the legal rights of "personhood"—which means they'll be able to eventually buy guns, ride horses, and you see where this is all going don't you?
In Portland, the downtown branch of Baskin-Robbins ice cream has been robbed. So if you're going in there today, only expect 29 flavors.
A federal judge will begin hearing non-arguments today regarding Oregon's same-sex marriage ban. (I say "non-arguments" because no one will be in court defending the ban—except for those homophobes at NOM who have not thus far been able to get their shit together. You're gonna LOSE, fatheads!)
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Rain, rain, rain until at least next Tuesday. YEESH!
And finally, if this had been my dad? And he was about to see me get run over by a kid's car? He'd be like, "Oh, man... I'd better... I'd better... well, if I weren't holding a beer, I totally would."