GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost. If I'm asking for help it's only because, being with you has opened my eyes. Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The execution of an Oklahoma death row inmate was botched when officials administered a new lethal drug that was untested. The inmate eventually died after writhing in pain for 43 minutes—and if that isn't "cruel and unusual" punishment, I don't know what is.

Speaking of the death penalty, in Egypt the court has gone a little bit overboard I think... by giving a death sentence to 683 people at once.

The death toll rises to 37 following this past weekend's tornado attack across the central and southern US—and now floods are causing problems as well.

According to activists, a Syrian government airstrike hits a school, killing 19—10 of whom were children.

Actor Bob Hoskins—best known for his role in Who Framed Roger Rabbit—has died after a two-year long struggle with Parkinson's at the age of 71.

Florida Gov. Rick Scott met with senior citizens yesterday to discuss with them how Obamacare is "ruining their lives." As it turned out, the audience was very satisfied with the program. BURN!

Apparently those sanctions against Russia are working, because the IMF estimates that the country has already lapsed into recession. (But I bet they were already well on their way.)

The Senate is poised to vote today on increasing the Federal minimum wage—but it's expected to fail, because Republicans hate America.

Sure, banning racist Clippers' owner Donald Sterling might be a cinch for the NBA—but taking his team away? Not such a cinch.

The Blazers take on the Rockets tonight in Houston—will they close out the series? I DON'T KNOW! BETTER WATCH!

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: HOTTT!!! Expect a high of 88 degrees (!!) today, and more sunshiney sunshine tomorrow!

And finally, who wants to see a graduating douchebag unsuccessfully try a backflip, and humiliate himself in front of the entire university? I DO I DO I DO I DO!!!