GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And when he tells you you ain't nothin', don't believe him. And if he can't learn to love you, you should leave him. Cause sista, you don't need him. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
In less important basketball news, Oregon State men's b-ball coach Craig Robinson (and Barack Obama's brother-in-law) has been given the boot.
A catastrophic mudslide in Afghanistan buries hundreds of houses and people.
Hey Portland parents! A worldwide polio epidemic is spreading "at alarming rates" according to the World Health Organization—so you might want to reconsider your "no vaccines" rule.
UGGHH!! Nigeria's extremist Islamic leader Abubakar Shekau of Boko Haram is now threatening to sell the 300 young girls he was responsible for kidnapping, referring to them as "slaves" and promising to put them on the auction block at market. He also noted "God is great."
In similarly horrifying news, 220 "child sailors" at a youth military training school in Australia in the '80s are claiming they were brutally raped—and the government is launching an investigation.
Obama gets off some pretty sweet jokes at healthcare.gov's expense at the annual Washington correspondents dinner.
The Supremes are looking at a case in which a Nebraska town created an ordinance barring landlords from renting to illegal immigrants.
The Supremes have decided to allow limited public prayer before a New York town's council meetings, because... CHRISTIANITY... IS... THE... BEST!
Ummm... passing a pot legalization measure in Oregon might not be as easy as we thought: 142 Oregon cities passed moratoriums on medical marijuana dispensaries setting up shop in their towns.
Hey, the Timbers had an exciting game too! Check out all the deets of their win over D.C. United with Blogtown footy correspondent, Brian Gjurgevich!
Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Rainy, and possible T-storms today with a high of 61... but the sun returns for Tuesday and Wednesday.
And finally, Jimmy Fallon, Kevin Spacey, and the Ragtime Gals barbershop quartet sing Jason Derulo's "Talk to Dirty to Me." HILARIOUS.