Warner Brothers released this image announcing the title of their
Man of Steel Sequel Justice League prequel.
Yup. A team-up that for over sixty years has been known as "World's Finest" is going to be called Batman Five Superman Colon Dawn of Justice, which is kind of clunky, but then again, people don't go to movies to watch titles, and there's a big fat logo there that's going to do all the heavy lifting anyway.
There is some good news to be had: According to Variety, the movie is no longer a David Goyer joint. He's essentially getting a story credit, but the movie is being credited to Chris Terrio, who has an Oscar for writing Argo. So there's hope for improvement on Man of Steel's quality, what with Affleck looking over Snyder's shoulder; now add Terrio completely replacing Goyer, who answered questions about Martian Manhunter's possible Justice League appearance like so:
In response to being asked about the hero, Goyer asked, “How many people in the audience have heard of Martian Manhunter?” After hearing some light applause and cheers, he added, “How many people that raised their hands have ever been laid?”
David Goyer, everybody!
The title isn't so bad, I guess. An anonymous tipster sent me this email containing the rejected titles for this film, and I gotta say, there was some promise in there:
Batman Five Superman Colon Movie Film for Theaters
Batman Five Superman Colon Cloudy with a Chance of Justice
Batman Five Superman Colon Rise of the Dawn of the Return of the Birth of the Justice
Batman Five Superman Colon Blow
Batman Five Superman Colon Justice Rides, Twenty-Five Cents
Batman Five Superman Colon The Wind Cries Justice
Batman Five Superman Colon Justice... with a Vengeance. And a Side of Spaghetti
Batman Five Superman Super Turbo Colon Alpha Third Strike Em Dash Champion Edition
The tipster also sent along this transcript, consisting of the final minutes in the corporate meeting that ultimately decided the naming.
"...I don't think people are going to take the movie seriously if it's VERSUS. You know? Like Alien VERSUS Predator, or Frankenstein VERSUS the Mummy. It just comes off as a joke, and this is a movie that MUST be taken seriously!"
"But what about 'Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever'?"
"See, I knew you'd come up with that one! That's the exception to the rule. Great fuckin' title. It's got the colon in there. People take the colon seriously."
"Okay, so we've got a colon, and marketing showed us that 'Dawn' is taken more seriously than 'Rise,' because 'Rise' tends to cause boner jokes."
"Heh, you said boner."
"And we've decided Batman should get top billing over Superman in this Superman sequel because people don't really give a fuck about Superman."
"Yeah, he killed all those people in Metropolis in the last movie."
"I don't know, I don't watch these things, I just fuckin' make 'em. The internet said he did, so he probably did."
"I GOT IT. Here's the solution! We just get rid of the 'ersus,' and make it Batman v Superman"
"Batman v Superman"
"V is one of the coolest letters"
"You have research on that, right?"
"Google the letter V, and then Google the word 'ersus' and see how many more hits you get."
"Holy shit, look at that. It's not even close."
"You've convinced me. Let's do it."
World's Finest is set to open on May 6th, 2016, at least until they pull their movie off that date because there is no way in (Batman) five (Superman) Hells that Warner Brothers will actually play chicken with Marvel's Captain America 3, due to the financial risk such a bonehead move would incur.