GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Damn, the street lights just came on! And my momma's in the streets tellin' me to come home. I hit the gate and I hops on my Schwinn. And I tell the homies, "Aight then," yeah. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Tired of their motherfucking bullshit, the Cameroon government sends troops after the kidnapping, murdering Islamic militants Boko Haram.

Meanwhile the Nigerian capital of Abuja has banned all protests from supporters of the #BringBackOurGirls campaign.

Ukrainian troops have been pushing back hard against pro-Russia supporters, launching an offensive in the eastern city of Slovyansk.

The military knew that Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl had walked away from his post before being captured and imprisoned by the Taliban, but decided the prisoner trade was necessary due to Bergdahl's deteriorating mental and physical condition.

Obama defended the Taliban prisoner swap, saying, "We don't leave our men and women behind. Period. Full stop."

Today in terror: Two Wisconsin girls lured a third into the woods and stabbed her 19 times in order to "impress" a fictional character on a horror website.

Also stabbed, two New York children who were attacked by a man in an elevator as they were on their way to get ice cream.

A furious California dad climbs aboard his 9-year-old autistic son's school bus and beats an 11-year-old who had been bullying his child. That could've been handled better.

Former pro quarterback Dan Marino is suing the NFL, saying they've known for years about the link between concussions and long-term health problems.

As expected, the Seattle City Council has unanimously passed an ordinance that will gradually raise their city's minimum wage to $15 per hour. (That sound you hear is a mass migration out of Portland.)

Now here's what's going on in your neck of the woods: Cloudy and 72 today, but increasingly dry and sunny over the next week!

And finally, Luigi gets caught... ridin' dirty!