Let's get this out of the way. Most of won't you be reading this any time soon. You've called in sick so you can sit in a bar and drink in the morning like it's a Sunday and you're not ready to let go of Saturday and there's soccer on and it's the American team and you didn't care last week or last month or last year, but it's fun to care when everyone else starts to care, like when you pretend you've been watching The Voice just as long as your one neighbor who loves it too much, so you put a hashtag before USMNT on a social network, which is a lot like putting a hashtag before TMNT, and you feel good. Which makes me want to give someone a high five and shout "Turtle Power." Which makes me feel good.
(PS: That one guy who bit that other guy? He got suspended for practically forever.)
Thaaaanks, Supreme Court! A Massachusetts law meant to keep protesters at least 35 feet from abortion clinics—a "buffer" zone to keep loons from menacing women exercising their right to choose—has been deemed unconstitutional. How come? Because sometimes those loons just want to do some humble "sidewalk counseling." Never mind if the targets of that counseling want it or not.
It was actually a meaty morning for the highest court in all the land. In a unanimous decision, rare for this partisan bunch, justices smacked the Obama administration on the nose over improper "recess" appointments. Basically, if the White House wants to sneak in some appointments while the Senate's on break, it needs to wait for a break 10 days or longer.
Forty ounces (of soda pop!) to freedom! New York City, desperately trying to save its billionaire former mayor's fever dream of a ban on the sale of giant sugar beverages, has exhausted its final appeals.
A record number of unaccompanied children were caught trying to cross the Mexican border last month—and this thorny, snake-filled stretch of Texan wilderness, where baby bottles and sneakers sit strewn through the scrub grass, is one of the hotspots.
By the way? Immigration reform, according to both sides of our deadening political divide, is dead for at least two more years—until after Barack Obama leaves office. Toxic political rhetoric among House Republicans has overpowered calls by sensible Republicans to try to broaden their base by appealing to conservative Latinos.
Syria has joined the fray in Iraq, diverting from its own civil war to drop some bombson the wildly successful, bi-national insurgent group calling itself the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. Iran's already there, with surveillance drones and military supplies. And so is the United States. Who says we can't all get along?
Seems like a good idea, then, to bring up the street fee. Mayor Charlie Hales and Commissioner Steve Novick held yet another town hall this week on their proposal—fielding some rage but also throwing open talk of alternatives, like a sales tax.
Ikea isn't as sprawling as Walmart or McDonalds—two companies that really need to get on this train. But, for what it's worth, the Swedish furniture maker has raised its own minimum pay to nearly $11 an hour nationwide.
HI. YOU SEEM TO BE HAVING A BIRTHDAY PARTY. SORRY FOR JUST DROPPING IN LIKE THAT. THROUGH THE SKYLIGHT OF YOUR HOUSE. DID I MENTION I'M A BEAR? ALSO, CAN I HAVE SOME CUPCAKES? BEFORE YOU MURDER ME?