Damn you, Dan. This letter could be from me. Except...
We are married 21 years, and have two beautiful children. I smoked pot from day one. Alcohol—even though it has gotten me into way more trouble—is a-ok since it's legal, but weed is now cause for divorce. So I have lightened up by about 90% and am seeing a (mericfully awesome) shrink to help with my "problem." Stopping altogether, while an option, fills me with resentment (p.s. I am a fairly successful writer and weed has helped rather than hurt my work!). I wrote you about this a few weeks back. But this advice to THC does not help—specifically 420Singles. At least not at this point.
This is just pissing in the wind, I know, and I won't write to you about this problem again—I will just try to interpolate how your advice would extend to me.
Still Smoking Pot
My response after the jump...
Here's an easy fix: move your family to Washington state or Colorado. Pot is legal here! Problem solved! But if that's not good enough for your controlling, hypocritical, THC-phobic wife—or she won't come with you—get high on the downlow, dump your wife when the kids are grown, and start all over again. You're welcome.
That was short! So here's a bonus letter...
I listened to Episode 399 of the "Savage Lovecast" again this evening as I mowed the lawn, and wanted to tell you thank you for playing the call from the young lady with cancer. I also want to thank you for your response to her and for your comments to her boyfriend. Both times I listened to the call I was mowing the lawn, and both times I was moved to tears. When I first heard it, I was lucky the mower was running and I was wearing sunglasses because it wasn’t just tears. It was a full-on sob. I’m pretty sure in my 20+ years of mowing lawns, I’ve never cried while doing that job.
I was struck, as you were, by her attitude and her humor. She reminded me of me. I was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer almost 8 years ago. By the sounds of things, she has been dealt a much crappier hand than I was (or than most of us are), but her approach is something that sounded very familiar to me. Her attitude was awesome. I figured out early on that my attitude was the only thing I had 100% control of and over the course of my treatment, I saw the impact a negative attitude could have. You were absolutely right that it is OK to have “the sadz” and we should have opportunity to have a range of emotions. But I saw too many people whose crummy attitude brought them further down. I chose to do everything I could do to kick cancer’s ass, and I did. I’m in remission and continue to get great reports from my doctors.
The other thing that struck me was your response. I have been listening to, and enjoying, the podcast for some time and I would say that your response to her and your conversation with her was the best thing I’ve ever heard. Your concern, your humor (widowers get tons of pussy—hilarious!) and ultimately your advice was perfect.
I was moved to tears when you spoke directly to the boyfriend. Everything you said was right. Telling him that the marriage and the party was not just a marriage but the first step in her treatment was spot on. I’m sure he’s concerned, and I’m sure he’s seeing the marriage, and the reason for speeding up the process, as scary and outside of his control. And he’s right to be scared and nervous and sad. But your encouragement to him, your direct support for her, and thus your indirect support for many others facing cancer, made perfect sense. Thank you.
Like you, I’m going to worry and wonder about her. Please keep us posted as you hear from her. And if you get the opportunity to talk to her again, please let her know that she has an army of supporters in her corner, sending prayers/good vibes/positive mojo/whatever anyone chooses her way. Both for the boyfriend to do the right thing and marry her, but more importantly for her to kick cancer’s ass once and for all.
Again I thank you. Thank you for your care. Thank you for your advice to her and her boyfriend. Thank you for taking that call. Thanks for playing a call and a conversation that really hit home.