Feeling pretty proud of my country tonight. #BundyEroticFanFic is trending.
— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 7, 2016
The Decemberists' frontman Colin Meloy has created a (one-eyed) Twitter monster with his #bundyeroticfanfic. What started on Tuesday with a flurry of tweets by Meloy and some of his followers has gotten (third) legs in the days since.
Meloy's call for submissions about a group of fools—led by Ammon Bundy, that's commandeered a federal building in the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge near Burns—has got #bundyeroticfanfic trending on Twitter. Some of the tweets poke fun at the maybe-not-so-well-regulated militia's call for snacks, some are a critique of their gun-obsessed bombast, and all of them call to mind Brokeback Mountain-esque adventuring.
Enjoy:
"I want you to take me like Obama takes our freedoms," Jed whispered.
The sound of a Carhartt zipper was his only reply. #bundyeroticfanfic
— Liandre (@canunderum) January 7, 2016
"But they'll hear us," Ammon whispered breathlessly. "No, they will not," Jason replied, "I'm using a silencer." #bundyeroticfanfic #fb
— Max Reddick (@MaxReddick) January 7, 2016
His barrel shroud had cooled, but his ardor had not. In the limpid pools of Ammon's eyes, he saw the second coming #bundyeroticfanfic
— brandon hall (@arthurdenu) January 7, 2016
Read more #bundyeroticfanfic tweets after the jump.
I really hope this keeps on trending. I reached out to Meloy via Twitter to see if he'd like to talk to me about the hashtag's popularity. I'll update the post if he answers. Until then, please enjoy these bits of literary genius.
"You're hurt" Jason whispered "that holster has bruised your shoulder" "I'm fine" said Ammon. "No, it needs massaging" #bundyeroticfanfic
— Donovan Buck (@dtex) January 7, 2016
The vegan jerky gave him sensations he'd never had. It reminded him of Scout camp, only this time he was the Scoutmaster. #bundyeroticfanfic
— David I. Jenkins (@scriptdave) January 7, 2016
Bundy rested his hands on his belt, framing his crotch. "Government ain't the only thing that's too big 'round here." #bundyeroticfanfic
— TerriMeeker (@ActualTerri) January 7, 2016
For additional laughs, please take a minute to read the comments section of my original post from yesterday about this wonderful internet phenomenon. I asked commenters to submit their own #bundyeroticfanfic and got some good replies. I'm proud of you, Mercury readers, for your creativity.
Commenter "Bundy" offered, "As their two beards became one, Eustice glanced by his alligator shoulder holster on the way to his wallet where another Magnum was waiting to protect Roscoe's lengthy Constitution."
And "Deanna Long" gave us, "Ammon couldn't wait for the FBI to cut the power. Not only would he be unable to charge his phone, he would be forced to cuddle with that adorable otter, Eustace. The younger man nearly drove Ammon to his knees every time Eustace field stripped his rifle. Ammon imagined challenging him to assemble the gun blindfolded and slipping something nearly as hard as that barrel, into Eustace['s] oily hand."
Well done!