Dear Local Baptist Church...
I'm writing to let you know that someone from your congregation came to my outer SE neighborhood to pass out tracts today. This gray haired, bespectacled fellow literally drove up in his gray truck and asked my 11 and 9 year-old children "if they wanted candy" before he handed them a flier, which stated they were hell-bound.
Besides my long-winded litany of objections I have toward your fucktard proselytizing, my main beef with your member is his method. Many of you are parents, and I can imagine how upset one of you would be if any asshole off the street offered your children candy. I called the police to notify them that this guy is using pedophile tricks to pass out fliers in our neighborhood. I would appreciate it if you would maybe reiterate to your congregation that it is NOT okay to bait children this way—our neighborhood has unfortunately seen several near-kidnappings that have began this very way. Please fuck off and keep your scum to yourself and away from our kids.
Thanks a million in Jesus bucks,