To all of the for profit, so called psychics, healers, spiritual advisors, past life readers, palm readers, tarot readers, fung shui guidance counselors, phrenologists, or any other ‘oligst’ which seeks to derive some sort of great universal revelation from any other human body part or orifice. It is said that great spiritual knowledge is a gift for all to share and those who possess it are obligated to share it freely. Clearly, you possess no higher knowledge, if you did, you would not charge a dime for your useless magic bullshit! Additionally if you were truly “psychic” you would already know not to approach me! So please take your expensive magic spit, lizard vomit, opossum shit, your cheap ass crystal globes on sale at IKEA, and your fake ass Mattel Ouija boards and get the fuck out of peoples lives! You are all a bunch of frauds who should be brought up on charges for unethical spiritual loitering. You financially prey upon the spiritually depressed, lost, deprived, ignorant and gullible all the while touting yourselves to be enlightened gurus, though you live in trendy neighborhoods most of us can’t afford. No I do not want you to evaluate my birth chart for only $69.95 and NO I do not want you to come to my house and cleanse “the spirits” with your stinky ass piss weed you pulled from your “magical organic garden”. No! I do not believe you are actually communing with archangels and if the aliens do come in 2012, I hope they beam you all up & drop you off on the sun.
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.