My wife likes a quality massage. I like to give her a gift certificate for one. What I don't like? You looking down your nose at me and exclaiming "This certificate does not include gratuity." No, really? Buy a fucking font and put it in a respectful place on the fucking gift certificate. Don't put me on the spot to imply I tip for a fucking massage that hasn't been given yet! Who does this?! When I get a fucking drink does the bartender look sternly at me and gravely say, "the price of libation does not include gratuity." When I order a meal at a restaurant do they stop and explain how tipping works after I order? NO THEY DON'T and you shouldn't either. Unless you want to be a douche.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!