After a few failed dates with some men from a popular free dating website, I noticed a pattern. Cute guy that plays the banjo and loves DIY? Vegan that wants a "deeper connection." Nope. So a few friends and I asked ourselves what Portland males really want.

So my super hot lesbian friend set up the most vapid and ridiculous profile she could. I think Ann Coulter would think she sounds shallow and conservative in it.
But SHOCKER! 95% of the men emailing her were all the sensitive I want a Ramona Flowers deep snowflake girl profiles.
So I call bullshit on you dudes. Instead of getting full sleeves and talking about social issues, why don't you just do what you really want? Like put on some Brut and go to Barracuda and find the type of girl you *actually* want to fuck.
Because there are actual people out there trying to make connections, start relationships, and NOT FUCKING GET PLAYED.