Well, this is going to be hard for you to hear. But I have to say it.
You are a local stand up comedian, and you are also my friend. And you are deeply, deeply unfunny.
You somehow make a living off of doing live comedy, so bully for you. Lord knows how you do it. I dread being cornered and forced to listen to your 'comedy bits', and I think most of us (your friends) feel the same. I schedule my life so I'm 'accidentally' booked when you have a gig.
I'm so sorry. I wish I had the balls to say it to you straight, but jesus man. You really are a terrifying performer.