This Week in the Mercury

I, Anonymous

Columns

I, Anonymous

The Art of the Steal


Lose Myself in Sound

Music

Lose Myself in Sound

David Kilgour Makes Stuff out of Nothing



Monday, July 25, 2011

Tripping (Cotton) Balls

Posted by Anonymous on Mon, Jul 25, 2011 at 2:15 PM

Dear Luke, former produce boy at Food Front Co-op:
A couple of years ago, I drank a cup of mushroom tea on a beautiful snowy morning, and decided for no particular reason to pick up a bag of cotton balls before my adventure through the woods. Not too shockingly, I started peaking as soon as I walked into the store, and the awesomeness of it all was compounded when you, my sometime fellow flirt, magically appeared to help me. I asked as straight-faced as possible where the cotton balls were, and you jokingly handed me a bag of marshmallows—and you have no idea how hilarious and mind-bogglingly charming this was, because you of course had no idea I was peaking on mushrooms at the time. Your gesture and my late-morning inebriation inspired me to give you my number before leaving the store, and led subsequently to our EXTREMELY AWKWARD date, which ended with me reflexively giving you the friend-hug I give all my guy friends, because I was distracted the whole time debating whether to tell you or not that I was tripping balls when I made my move and that you at the time were pretty much the best thing in the universe. I wish I'd been tripping during our date instead—I would have kissed you a lot, and it would have made the movie we went to much better. Anyway, I see you around town now and then, and I always want to confess, I think you'd appreciate the story. I think you have a girlfriend now, but you're still pretty foxy and I had a great time meeting you. Even though it didn't work out, I'm glad tripping on mushrooms at least gave me the guts to be forward once. Your turn!

Comments (4)

Showing 1-4 of 4

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-4 of 4

Comments are closed.

Most Commented on I, Anonymous

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy