To the under-tattooed population of not only Portland, but also the Midwest:
If I ever have to hear "YOU have a tattoo!? I HAVE A TATTOO!!", again it will be too soon. I am not a heavily tattooed person. Okay, I have a few (9), but by no means am I decked out. And last time I checked I am not wearing a sign that states anything implying that I want to hear about your tattoo, or your child's tattoo, or your friend's tattoo. I am sure that your Woody the Woodpecker has great sentimental value to you and your 8th grade boyfriend, but I don’t give a flying rat’s ass! Speaking of asses, I do not want to see yours. Please refrain from removing your pants, shirt, bra, or other clothing items to expose aforementioned tattoo. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a great tattoo, but if I like what I see I’ll ask you about it.