This goes to all my crotchedy neighbors who freak out when I pick up after my dog and throw the shit bag in the trash can sitting outside: You do realize that's what the trash is for, right? You know it's already full of stinky shit and that it's on its way to a bigger pile of stinking shit, right? You know that I could just be a jerk and let my dog leave her stinking piles of shit on your lawn, right? I could easily get away with it; you aren't always home to see us, and sometimes we walk after dark. But because I am considerate, and because I feel like being nice and saving you from inadvertently stepping on poop, I pick up after my dog instead. You owe me a thank you for being polite, you dumb f*ck. Because if you insist on giving me a hard time for doing my duty and dropping the waste in the nearest waste bin, I'm going to let her give you the present you deserve.
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