This goes to all my crotchedy neighbors who freak out when I pick up after my dog and throw the shit bag in the trash can sitting outside: You do realize that's what the trash is for, right? You know it's already full of stinky shit and that it's on its way to a bigger pile of stinking shit, right? You know that I could just be a jerk and let my dog leave her stinking piles of shit on your lawn, right? I could easily get away with it; you aren't always home to see us, and sometimes we walk after dark. But because I am considerate, and because I feel like being nice and saving you from inadvertently stepping on poop, I pick up after my dog instead. You owe me a thank you for being polite, you dumb f*ck. Because if you insist on giving me a hard time for doing my duty and dropping the waste in the nearest waste bin, I'm going to let her give you the present you deserve.
The Plight of the Dogwalker
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