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Friday, September 30, 2011

Looking for a New Job?

Posted by Anonymous on Fri, Sep 30, 2011 at 8:44 PM

What the fuck is wrong with you? when you where small your parents placed you in front of some magnates house, rang the bell, and ran out laughing? Then you found a Job a lÀ Little Annette shinning shoes for the upper class and then is when you found out deep down that you couldn't even make ice-creams for the creatively engaged prolific natured gifted artists. Then you went out and did a couple of slut jobs for the wholehearted elevated highly venerable wealthy to snort coke from your ass and then you did find god, in a bung hole. While writing to your parents "am doing more than fine with my new nursery books sales, am growing potentially." There is when the boat overturned, and all the meth, speed, angel-satanic dust entered all of your orifices and you did grew up, 12 inches, to become for a couple of years Skeletor, bitch version. To fight by yourself, the evil, ivil, new roman empire. Fight those baby eating, blood drinking, TV worshipers ivil ivil men. Then you met stinkor, ninjor, and megator, and decided to over throw the bombastic, yet Sinister Ruledoom of Neelixes Empire of Humanness Killing Food, 3 minutes after you eat it, food carts. So far I got it right. Then came your last scream for GET A CLUE. You screamed: THUNDER, THUNDER, THUNDER CATS, HOOOOOOO.

To the Piece of Shit That Stole My Phone

Posted by Anonymous on Fri, Sep 30, 2011 at 11:09 AM

You stole my phone the past Saturday night. When you found it at the Star Theater, you didn't turn it into the bar or respond to any of the texts asking for it to be returned. Now, you're making creepy calls to my contacts list.

Fuck you, you piece of human-shaped pile of marmot dung. The fact that you'd hang onto something as personal and essential as a phone is hugely disgusting. I hope you get your eyes plucked out by insane pelicans while wild ferrets gnaw at your genitals. I hope your dreams crumble to dust and and all that you love and hope for dissolves into nothing, you fucking thief. May wild boars feast upon your intestines and vomit them back into your screaming mouth.

It's utterly sickening that you didn't give it back right away. Fuck you, and I hope you get butt cancer.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

To the Students of PCC

Posted by Anonymous on Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 7:56 PM

I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. that does not mean that i do not want to be friendly, but i don't want to exchange numbers. i do not want to get together after class, i do not want to get lunch together. i understand that i have unusual hair, and that you also may have unusual hair, but this in no way means that we are going to hang out. i go to PCC for SCHOOL, not because i want some high-school-esque sort of social scene to belong to. i get enough of that already at my job and in the punk scene. next time, you can smile at me, even make some comment about my aesthetics, but please, do not try to engage me, i have plenty of friends already.

Grow Up!!

Posted by Anonymous on Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 12:04 PM

Here is something you should know. In the world of adult language and adult literature you will commonly see words associated with one thing used to put another thing into context. Let me explain- when someone uses the word rape, while not referring to being sexually assaulted, to put something else into context then they are also using the word in an effective way. As an example, “I feel like the government is raping me with their blah blah blah”. Here the word “rape” is use to denote the fact that they feel extremely taken advantage of. Yes, they understand as well as most of their adult audience that the situation they are referring to is completely different than sexual assault, duh. Try looking at the actual message, not getting too hung up on the details and you might see this. While there will always be those overly sensitive types that try and distract everyone else away from the actual message, the sender of that message isn’t necessarily insensitive to the actual monstrosity that is rape itself; so chill the fuck out and grow the fuck up…

Btw, this post would be a good place to have your stupid argument about “how it’s so awful to use this word for anything else” instead of other places where people are trying to convey a message…

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To All The Blithe Douche Bags

Posted by Anonymous on Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 9:20 AM

Who are these douche bags that tell us to be more positive? You know what- I Anonymous is a fucking public health service. It is a channel for us to vent our frustrations, rant about shit that pisses us off and voice those things that are annoying about life. And you would take that away from us? Double FU!! Do you really think I Anonymous would be better if everyone was fucking happy and cheerful all the time? Pull your head out of your ass and go join some other community blog if you don’t like it…

FU PCC

Posted by Anonymous on Thu, Sep 29, 2011 at 9:06 AM

WTF PCC…You have low prices for tuition, are LGBT friendly, environmentally conscious and yet for all your liberal qualities you completely rape students out of their financial aid money. Some of us don’t have a lot of money and depend on financial aid to help us get by while we pursue an education. Paying anywhere from 300-500 dollars for books and supplies isn’t simply outrageous it’s a scam. And wtf is up with those special “PCC” edition books? Another scheme to rape more students out of their money? FU PCC!!! I’ve been to other Universities here in Oregon and have paid a hell of a lot less for books; I come to you to reduce my tuition just to turn around and get sucker punched…

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

City of Portland Permit Fees

Posted by Anonymous on Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 9:50 PM

Let's not even get into the exorbitant permit fees themselves...this rant is simply about being able to determine what those fees will be in advance. Yes, there are worksheets and reams of literature online to that purpose from C.O.P. Being the diligent professional, I have read them all, and that is no small feat. I have filled out the worksheets, and consulted over-the-counter for help. Then, many many hours of confusion later present my estimate to the client, only to have the ACTUAL fee be much, much more, every single time. Fees are levied I've never even heard of. And it is not just me, every building professional I know says the same. Seriously, how hard is it to collect all the fees in one, easy to understand, place? It is the least you could do for what we have to pay.

Diana Nyad Calls Off Swim from Cuba to Florida

Posted by Anonymous on Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 5:55 PM

OK, I'm a little late, since this broke 2 days ago. It's the woman who attempted to swim from Cuba to Florida as some sort of life-long dream. She was stung by a jellyfish and, according to the AP, another sting "could be fatal"— so she quit.

Next time, just keep going. And die. That way, an idiotic, banal piece of "news" will at least catapult you into some lame, soggy, sea-death-statistical posterity. Presently, you just seem like a total pussy for talking a huge swim-game and punking out. You blamed "stupid little Portuguese man of war" for ruining your heroic efforts (layered in grease, supplied with energy bars, surrounded by 2 kayaks with electric probes to keep sharks away, etc) but guess what: you deserve to be seafood. Welcome to the food chain. Those stupid little jellies are worth more than you; they reflect natural life, biodiversity, beauty; complexity. You suck.

Gum-Job

Posted by Anonymous on Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 11:51 AM

Ah, forbidden fruit. I love to watch you walk, the way you jiggle under your uniform. So many inappropriate thoughts. You are a newlywed, and I am twice your age. But I never felt more like a dirty old man than that one time. We had been talking, and I offered you a paper napkin to put your gum in. After you left, I realized there was only way I would ever taste your tongue. So I chewed your gum. It was better than Viagra and delicious, but not as delicious as my imagination tells me you are. If I were 50% younger, and you were 100% less married, I would offer to chew more than just your gum...

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Dear I Anonymous

Posted by Anonymous on Wed, Sep 28, 2011 at 10:22 AM

Why does everyone complain so fucking much? (I know, I see the paradox. I am complaining about complainers, but I digress) Your insignificant frustrations with people aren't really that big of a deal. Why don't you all just breathe, be more assertive or let it the fuck go and move on. I am really getting tired of these I anonymous negative rants. These self-absorbed cynic types, who critique everyone's approach to life, just infuriate me. Being anonymous doesn't automatically mean only write about your annoyances. How about something a little more positive? Your life can't be that bad right? Right? And if it is...maybe it's you.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Fucking Heart

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Sep 27, 2011 at 3:58 PM

You have surprised me. I am addicted to being around you, I think about you constantly. I love talking to you, joking with you, making out in public places. Being one of those couples. Hating it and not caring at the same time. We are very similar and I could see myself falling in love with you. But he will always mean more. Always. He inspires me and motivates me, he frustrates me and pushes me to be a better person, just by being himself. I long for him. It's unfortunate. I am sorry in advance, I'll never let him go.

You’re Not So Foxy

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Sep 27, 2011 at 2:35 PM

Hope you had a good Summer— sounds like you spent the entirety of it trying to fuck my girlfriend.

It breaks my heart that she was even tempted. It really does. But at least, in the end, she had the sense to choose someone who truly loves her and treats her like gold over a fickle, manipulative, desperate, attention-seeking USER whose only talent is applying makeup.

You wonder why no one ever wants to be with you? Maybe it's your immaturity, your lack of ethics, your selfishness, your cavalier attitude towards other people's lives and the trashy way you whine and whine about not getting what you want.

I'm still waiting on an apology that's never going to come.

Oh, and you wanted some tips from me on how to be a better musician? Stop being such a white trash skank. Y'know, for starters.

Punkass Kid

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Sep 27, 2011 at 1:59 PM

To the Punkass Kid who stole my purse out of my car this morning: You suck! I hope the 6 TriMet passes you bought with my credit cards make you enough money to move out of my neighborhood. Since you know where I live, it would be great if you would return the purse, the wallet, the video card from the cell with photos of my baby, the chapstick and the sunglasses...maybe even the punchcard for the free pizza slice I was going to use today. Unfortunately I can't get back the hours I have spent today cancelling credit cards, bank accounts and trying to get a new license. I also can't get back the sense of security I had that allowed me to leave my car unlocked for all of 30 seconds before you came by on your skateboard.

Get Away!

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Sep 27, 2011 at 12:49 PM

Portland has plenty of people NOT like me. I leave the city to get away from them. From you, Suburban campers. Camping should be different that your back yard. I like to sit by the river, listen to the wind in the trees and look at a billion stars. I drive 4 hours into the high desert and camp on BLM land so that my odds of seeing people like you are slim. Fuck my dumb luck! You, your hyena friends and your loud, inane conversations showed up. You brought the city with you. You're cheap, spoiled pussies who needs every disposable Fred Meyers "camping" convenience you can fit into your Suburban. You camped next to the only people for miles and thought nothing of getting(and staying) belligerent and shooting guns ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. You never left your nylon Gresham annex to breathe in the amazing surroundings. When WE did, the gunfire followed. Holy shit! When you packed up and left, we had one nice afternoon without you...except that we had to clean up your trash. How did you know what to leave behind?
To all you "campers" who bring the city with you... for fucksake, just stay home.

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Monday, September 26, 2011

Sarah vs. Scarlett

Posted by Anonymous on Mon, Sep 26, 2011 at 3:28 PM

To the assholes out there who are visibly disappointed when they hear my daughter’s “boring” name: I’m sorry that my wife and I care enough about her that we didn’t name her after an obscure 1920’s comic strip character. I’m sorry we didn’t name her after a doe-eyed indie-film starlet or the character in my wife’s favorite fantasy novel from her childhood. I’m sorry we didn’t give her a name that would preclude her from every career path except prostitution and/or MMA. I’m sorry we didn’t want to saddle nearly every interaction she has for the rest of her life with her dad’s art school quirk or her mom’s obsession with Welsh mythology. I’m sorry her name can’t be twisted into “Dot” or “Pip” or “Miz.”

Here’s the thing: We actually recognize that our daughter is a living, breathing human being—not a toy that we get to play with for 18 years. My wife and I have boring names, so why the fuck would we suddenly name our kid fucking Azreal or Boise? Our thinking is that if she has a simple, pretty name, she can grow into being whoever she wants—she won’t be tattooed with our crushing hipster expectations from the moment she first draws a breath.

Kids aren’t garage bands or funny blog posts or pets. Life is mostly kind of boring and unfair. A kid’s name isn’t going to change that. The rest of you can go on naming your offspring like its some kind of competition. We’ll be taking our daughter to the playground and calling out her boring name with pride.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Hello Herpes

Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 10:30 PM

All of you females who have made the choice to have unprotected sex with a known slut - Guess what? You just exposed yourself to the herpes.
i met him a year ago, and within 2 months of fucking him, I was diagnosed. And he was the only person i had slept with in 6 months, soooo.
Some of you ladies know him. He rides a Harley with the skull lights & iron cross mirrors. He was in prison for 10 years. He has different colors of hair & wears funky clothes. i wish that i could name names here, because this person is spreading disease. And there's no way that he doesn't fucking know it.
Women of Portland, please protect yourself.

From the Nanny

Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 9:08 PM

Dear child that I nanny,

You are not a princess, but you ARE queen of the spoiled rotten brats. Remember when you told that guy in the elevator that his baby wasn't as cute as you were when you were a baby? That's when I decided that I wasn't just annoyed with you on an "I have to deal with you because it's my job" basis. I actually hate you on a basic, visceral human level. I know that you're five and haven't had time to fully grasp the nuances of dealing with other people in a sensitive manner. That doesn't excuse the tantrums you throw because you want every fucking toy in existence, the anxiety disorder you've inflicted on your poor mother, and the sense of entitlement you exude to the extreme all day, every day. If I could I would give you the dog whisperer treatment that you truly deserve, but I have to follow orders from your parents. Their over indulgence may seem nice now, but will certainly prove damaging in the long run. They don't make enough money for you to fully enjoy the Paris Hilton attitude you're developing. You are the devil, and P.S. your parents are getting a divorce. It's your fault.

"Oh, I only have a $100. Is that OK?"

Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 5:21 PM

Hello average Oregonian,
Why are you carrying $100 dollar bills in your wallet/purse?
Are you asking for them at the bank so you can flash them to impress? Are you really a drug dealer? Did you get it at the casino? What the hell? They are a pain in the ass. I work at a busy restaurant where a server may have to take 10 to 12 tables (and sometimes more) at a time. A $100 dollar bill can bring a server to a screeching halt. Meanwhile some of the other tables will inevitably need help and will then complain to some website like yelp.com about how slow the service is. They do not impress anyone. Where are you getting them? Why do you have them? Last week we got 15 of them. WTF?

Gehen Sei fort! Gehen Sie nach Hause!

Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 4:45 PM

I was one of the 1st few waiting @ the terminal for the fight back to Hawaii. I really didn't want to leave PDX. I really enjoyed viewing the city's landscape while cycling around without to many vehicles running me down. I bought had a sappy novel from Powell's to tie me over on the flight. I was set to leave, with tears in my eyes. I waited as mostly tourist filled the terminal w/ a few Hawaii locals, now it's packed.

After take off I notice that you & your kid are wigging in your seats. Do the sunglasses& a hooded jacket I'm wearing make you that uncomfortable? It's cold& sunny in the plane, what gives? I'm not a terrorist! I'll soon find out your more racist /hateful than anyone I know personally. You strike up a chat & I'm so angry that I can't read, I'm going to say all the things the tourism industries doesn't want me to
say. For example how Hawaii is a Over crowed & Traffic ridden death trap.

Oh, to answer your racist questions about Asian people living in Hawaii: Why Yes, there is because if you have had read a map in your life time, the Hawaiian Islands are right next to Asia. Your going to have a big surprise when you land. Also there's every other type of race your little pinhead can think of & more. Your racist thought process is going to have to change now on this very flight.

By the way there are racist in hawaii but they hate any type of tourist. The neo nazi Deutschland bit about you just likeing the history of where your from is not going to cut it.

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Paranoid Pedestrian

Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 1:18 PM

Pedestrian, please have more faith in your ability to dodge large objects moving at very, very slow speeds. You may be surprised to learn that in my ten years driving I haven't hit a single pedestrian, not one! I'm pretty capable of paying attention to what's right in front of me. By the time you yelled at me, "Do you see me?!" I had already come to a stop well outside the cross walk. So, yes, I saw you, and the red light, and the cross traffic, and the guy walking his dog on the other side of the street, and the car behind me in my mirror, etc...

Peter Pan Syndrom?

Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Sep 24, 2011 at 11:57 AM

After questioning you about how you can never seem to be an adult about things and would rather ignore an argument that we were having rather then solving it, you told me, "That's why I'm so fucked up." I, without understanding at all what you meant asked, "What the fuck are you talking about?" You responded with, "Peter Pan Syndrome. I started showing symptoms of it after my uncle shot himself. It really makes me feel stupid. After you mentioned your uncle who shot his brains out in your front yard, I immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry." I said profusely. Until I looked up Peter Pan Syndrome. Ahh, alas. The "syndrome" in which one believes that you can never and must never grow up. Also, a "syndrome" that is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and is not recognized by the American Psychiatric Association as a mental disorder. Upon realizing this information, I asked you if you have ever received counseling to help with your symptoms. You informed me that you had for two years. I responded by saying, "Perhaps you should consider going back to counseling to help you more with your symptoms, since they make you feel stupid." You then confessed that they reason you stopped going was because no one could offer you more advice. Also that you didn't want to go back.

From here I realized that you're going to keep using this "syndrome" to continue to act like a 12-year-old. With this, I hate to inform you, you are going to have a hard time keep [THIS WRITER EXCEEDED THE 300 WORD LIMIT.]

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A Question:

Posted by Anonymous on Thu, Sep 22, 2011 at 6:49 PM

If your friend who lives in a nearby city never returned your phone calls, came to town and didn't tell you, and informed you (along with the rest of the world) that she was 4 months pregnant via a facebook post, would you still consider her a friend?

Just curious.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Watch A Car Drive In Circles

Posted by Anonymous on Wed, Sep 21, 2011 at 12:34 AM

Does anyone in Portland DVR NASCAR? I really need to redeem my soul from Mike Daisey's 24 ego trip. Watching him make people think he's important for the short amount of time I watched was terrible. Yeah, it must have been so hard to stay up all night getting a figurative blowjob from the entire Portland art scene. All I could think about were the evangelical preachers and crazy street talkers who talk for hours and hours and honestly don't care that people don't listen. Daisey was so full of his own shit: "I wish I could have told you a different story." He said that in the last hour and you know what? That's the most bullshit thing anyone's ever said. You know why? Because he fucking could have. He could have read the fucking phone book and 400 heads would have bobbed up and down, up and down, lips dripping with saliva, and said, with their mouths full of Daisey's metaphorical cock, "yes, this is art." I would rather have watched a car, or twenty, drive around in circles.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Help the Lactose Intolerant Out

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Sep 20, 2011 at 10:19 PM

Can at least one of these new fancy ice cream places in Portland make some of their items lactose-free? I know I am not the only one in this city that prefers (more likely needs) to have their ice cream this way. Only Breyers sells this in store, but it only comes in vanilla. The only other company I found that sells ice cream this way is in Canada and I really don't feel like importing ice cream. I know there are other options (like any of the dairy free variety), but to me they are just ok. It's just a thought to put out there if anyone is looking for a business idea next summer.

Service, Without the Smile

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Sep 20, 2011 at 1:03 PM

Why is it that I get service with a genuine smile from the 17 year-old acne riddled kid at McDonalds on Burnside, and the hipster bitch serving my $40.00 breakfast can't even muster a 'thanks'? If I get waited on/served by one more filthy haired, coke-bottle faux glasses wearing, lucky strike ciggarette smoking, tighter-than-my-girlfriends-skinny black pants donning, tattooed big-lobed FREAK who thinks I don't deserve a motherfucking smile with my $6.00 house coffee, so help my Baby Jesus I will scald him with said cup of joe quicker than he can roll his eyes in exasperation that I ACTUALLY asked him for a To-Go cup. Was that environmentally unfriendly? No bitch, I just have places to be. A real JOB for real adults who don't loaf around all day hoping to exude I'm-a-junkie-and-i-live-under-a-bridge 'cool' while all the while shopping at New Seasons for Kombucha and spelt bread that the trust-fund from Daddy pays for. I'm from Portland you punk motherfuckers. Not Beaverton, not Tigard, not Gresham... PORTLAND. NE. So smile at me or kick rocks and get the fuck on back to Idaho or Wisconsin or Arizona or whichever BumFuckNowhere town you came from.
-Anonymous

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