You said that you would store my things while I went on a drug and hot-sex fueled trip to Europe. Now I have returned several months early and trying to get my things back is like trying to have decent sex with your boyfriend—not worth the effort. I drove to Medford and returned to Portland empty-handed. If I don't get my things from you by the end of next week plan on being served court papers and a swift kick in the crotch. From me to you.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!