You said that you would store my things while I went on a drug and hot-sex fueled trip to Europe. Now I have returned several months early and trying to get my things back is like trying to have decent sex with your boyfriend—not worth the effort. I drove to Medford and returned to Portland empty-handed. If I don't get my things from you by the end of next week plan on being served court papers and a swift kick in the crotch. From me to you.
Flaky Friend in Medford
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.