Why is it that I get service with a genuine smile from the 17 year-old acne riddled kid at McDonalds on Burnside, and the hipster bitch serving my $40.00 breakfast can't even muster a 'thanks'? If I get waited on/served by one more filthy haired, coke-bottle faux glasses wearing, lucky strike ciggarette smoking, tighter-than-my-girlfriends-skinny black pants donning, tattooed big-lobed FREAK who thinks I don't deserve a motherfucking smile with my $6.00 house coffee, so help my Baby Jesus I will scald him with said cup of joe quicker than he can roll his eyes in exasperation that I ACTUALLY asked him for a To-Go cup. Was that environmentally unfriendly? No bitch, I just have places to be. A real JOB for real adults who don't loaf around all day hoping to exude I'm-a-junkie-and-i-live-under-a-bridge 'cool' while all the while shopping at New Seasons for Kombucha and spelt bread that the trust-fund from Daddy pays for. I'm from Portland you punk motherfuckers. Not Beaverton, not Tigard, not Gresham... PORTLAND. NE. So smile at me or kick rocks and get the fuck on back to Idaho or Wisconsin or Arizona or whichever BumFuckNowhere town you came from.
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