Ah, forbidden fruit. I love to watch you walk, the way you jiggle under your uniform. So many inappropriate thoughts. You are a newlywed, and I am twice your age. But I never felt more like a dirty old man than that one time. We had been talking, and I offered you a paper napkin to put your gum in. After you left, I realized there was only way I would ever taste your tongue. So I chewed your gum. It was better than Viagra and delicious, but not as delicious as my imagination tells me you are. If I were 50% younger, and you were 100% less married, I would offer to chew more than just your gum...