You stole my bicycle! My only form of transportation other than my feet. I'm so, so happy that you stole my beautiful, shining, white bicycle! Now I'm going to get really in shape while I jog everywhere! So I'll be completely broke and hungry, but really, really hot and in shape! I'll jog to my shitty, low-income job! Where I will spend a lot of time dealing with the public comprised mostly of thoughtful people just like you! And then I'll dash home! Where I will spend my free time looking for a better paid job with health insurance! I guess now I'll be able to do that in my underwear since I'll be so hot! Oh, but we can't afford to heat our place right now, so never mind. You see, what I really want is nice enough employment to be able to save up for a car! But seriously, who needs a car in Portland if you've got...oh, wait. YOU'VE GOT MY BIKE! Oh, you devilish cad, you! You really shouldn't have. NO SERIOUSLY! You fucking asshole! You probably knew that I was shopping at Goodwill for a Halloween costume so I could have a little bit of cheap fun this weekend while you were ripping me off! I suppose that I should be grateful that you are helping me be more productive in life. No Halloween costume. No fun. Just more looking for better work so now I can save up for a new bicycle. Thanks bunches. Get bent.
Bike Theft Customer Service Report
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