Every day, walking down busy streets, trying to avoid eye contact with overly friendly natives. (Seriously, nowhere else in the world outside of ridiculous flat state towns looks people in the eye. Shift eyes up, shift eyes down, quickly. You have acknowledged presence of person in front of you, you are not challenging them to a fight or a sexual encounter.)

We drive and ride our bikes on the right side of the road right? SO WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU WALK ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE SIDEWALK. In London the tube stations have signs near the escalator saying "stand on the right, walk on the left." Guess what? It works really fucking well! No lumbering morons clogging up the escalators. No herp derp oblivious idiots standing in the way.

This isn't rocket science you myopic freaks. Walk as though you were driving, follow some goddamned logic and let the rest of us, who have places to be and aren't interested in staring at SHOOEEESS SHOEEESSS for 30 minutes get by you! Oh but wait, that means you heliocentric assholes may have to acknowledge the presence of people who aren't you. So sorry.

And knowing that, I will take the noble quest of forcing you to behave like you're in a real fucking city. Be prepared to be forced to the right. Be prepared for me to proposition you when you stare me down as I walk down the road. You will learn. Like Pavlov's fucking dogs. Only just negative reinforcement. No food for you.