To the Unctuous, Condescending, Schoolmarmish, Self-Righteous, Self-Righteous Natural Foods Staff Worker(s),
There are many more than one of you, hating your life and your job at the Upscale Natural Foods Store. You have a college degree, don't you, and your talents are sorely unused, and your brillliance unappreciated? I feel your pain. I too am brilliant and underappreciated.
Meanwhile: Surprise, surprise. Yes, I, who am at least twice your age do see that there are tongs for picking out the cheese cube samples. The subtlety of your pointing out to me that there are tongs there for picking out the samples was deeply impressive. I guess that post-modernist lit course you took did not go to waste, though most of us learned that level of sarcasm by the 3rd grade.
But you forgot to explain how it is that the odds of my infecting the other tiny cheese cube samples, or picking up an infection from those other samples, none of which I touched with my deft, skillful ability to touch solely the one I took for myself are greater than the 100% odds that any contamination on my fingers will be left on the tongs, and the 100% odds that anyone before me who used the tongs will leave their contamination on the tongs.
I realize you must obey state laws and want customers to use the tongs to avoid trouble with "The Man." But if you really want me to believe that you are as superior as your snide tone implies, then you better figure out how to not talk down to people and figure out how to find a job you like. Oh, and by the way....if you really give a flying fuck about cleanliness, haul your ass over to the dining area and earn your paycheck. The tables are filthy.
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