Dear wannabe graffiti writers in southeast: This is not the fucking Bronx. It's inner southeast Portland ('Sunnyside' to be exact), and your tag just looks dumb here. And even as tags go, it sucks ass. It has no flair or style at all, because your little hand was probably trembling too much in the five seconds you ran up and did it and then ran like hell. So it looks all the more stupid when you go out and put it on the side of a place that sells knitting supplies or my 71-year-old neighbor's compost bin, because that's all you have the balls to do. Please, if you're going to do this shit, at least practice first. Go find some plywood, an abandoned shack in the woods or better yet, have your parents send you to all expenses paid graffiti summer camp. Come up with a decent tag or throw up, and get good at it. Then, get some balls, go downtown or somewhere where Portland resembles an actual city, and do a legitimate piece in a legitimate spot. Other writers will respect you, and people who see it will have to concede that despite constituting vandalism it is a pretty sick piece. Otherwise, just quit now which is probably what you're going to do in six months anyway when you move on to the next thing that you think makes you cool.
You Are not a Real Graffiti Writer
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