You know, it was a pretty fucking awesome day until you showed up. When you came in thru the door with those boots oh my God. You where so obnoxious asking the types of coffees served, with that loud strange pitched voice, and even you where aware that people where around you. When I fancied myself another piece of cake, I had to get behind you, because THE OTHER CASHIER WAS LISTENING TO MUSIC AND THEN WATCHING THE TV. You are not baristas, are cashiers. And then you fucking and fucking went and like couldn't speed up the process. I had to be at my friends baby shower and for your hipster attitude I came in FIFFTEEEN MIINUTES LATE, which totally screwed up the experience for me. I may not be a Barista, but I have a set of OVARIES to set THINGS STRAIGHT. Then you went and watched the TV with THE OTHER BARISTA, leaving me CASHIERLESS. You really know how to ruin one's afternoon, DON'T YOU???
I got off the train and called transit tracker to see when the next bus was coming, 13 minutes. This usually means the bus will show up in 2 minutes and I will sit inside an unheated, but dry bus for 11 minutes and be on my way home. APPARENTLY NOT WHEN YOU'RE AROUND. You show up, let people off, and proceed to shut the door in the face of the other girl waiting. Instead of getting off, letting us on, and sitting in the heated comfort of your bus driver break room, you walk to the back of the fucking bus and sleep? Are you fucking serious? Is that even allowed? You are on the clock right? Hoards of people show up, waiting for your now late ass, all standing in the sideways snow/rain windy as fuck that was 11am this morning.
I normally don't fucking care if the bus is late because that's the bus, but you were pretending to be asleep as people knocked on the window next to your face. Being a bus driver fucking sucks, I can imagine, but you were setting yourself up for unpleasant riders with that little stunt mister.
Wipe that phony grin off of your chinless, bucktoothed, ugly face. Stop wasting time at staff meetings with little stories about your childhood. Trying to manufacture crazy excuses for your unprofessional, dishonest, selfish behavior doesn't fool anyone. You're an ugly jerk, inside and out, and nobody wants to work for you.
You keep telling us how "competitive" you are with the guy who runs the other studios. Just because he triggers all of your insecurities (which, BTW, are totally justified, because you suck at your job)doesn't mean you're competitive. You're just envious and threatened by him. He's not all that; he's just competent. You are not.
March your huge ugly flat feet back into your hoarder's nest of an "office," sit that ugly flat wide ass in a chair and do some fucking work for a change. Pay people on time, the actual amount they earned. Follow through with one fucking project.
I don't think it's so unreasonable for me to expect to be able to play with my baby in 2 square feet of ON leash park space without being molested by your closely related to a wolf best friend. Likely wolfie just wanted to say hi, but I'm obviously not going to take that chance with my 6 month old! Both my brother and my husband have been attacked by supposedly "nice" dogs. There is a whole off leash area for you to hang out in if you can't keep your dog under control. You are a really rude person, and you do a disservice to all responsible dog owners. I wish I could have sworn at you more, but I don't want junior's first word to be c***. P.S. to the other 2 dog owners whose dogs were playing nicely and not bothering me before that crazy bitch showed up, I'm sorry if it sounded like I was yelling at you too. I like you and your dogs just fine, and I'd share a park with you any day.
The sun has started hitting at that angle which tells me that all of the wonderful reasons I live here are just around the corner! There will be the detractors, the nay-sayers, the "I've been here all winter and where were you" folks. Nope, the bike hasn't hit the road since late November. It will soon, though. The trees will bloom, the Saturday Market will come back, movies in the park, festive drinking/BBQs on Tuesday just because. The sun has almost risen by the time I get to work in the morning. How exciting! I wanted to tell you all of this as a fair warning. I enjoy it here. It is my home. I am a fair-weather bike rider. I am a fair-weather frequenter of your local neighborhoods. I enjoy getting out and doing for absolutely no reason other than it is nice out. I believe this to be the most beautiful English speaking place on earth so don't fuck this up for me. Keep the 'poor me' shit to a minimum and none of that possessive bull shit either. Sharing is Caring bitches.
To the arrogant, red-haired bitch in a black & white checkered coat, near New Seasons: You strolled across MLK, ignoring the red “Do Not Walk” sign and 2 lanes of cars that had the green light. You walked in front of my moving car. I didn’t see you until you were right in front of me. Why? Because I had a green light and was turning right, looking at and yielding to the pedestrians crossing Rosa Parks Way. You know, the ones who had the “Walk” sign? You had the gall to glare and gesture to me, as though I was in your way. My little black Hyundai, together with several thousand pounds of moving steel in cars behind me in a chain reaction could have slammed into one another. You? With your self-absorbed, hipster, too-cool-for-school attitude prancing across the sidewalk would have been flattened, the hand with the finger you raised to me flapping on the ground.
I drive conservatively staying at the speed limit, and I don’t tailgate, or talk or text while driving. And I watch out for pedestrians, even stupid ones. I’m only sorry that my 51 year old reflexes were too quick. Instead of instinctually braking for you I wish my foot had slammed the gas pedal. Your hair would have been just one of many red things splayed across my car and the street.
to the brain dead patronizing bunch of hypocrites who where out hunting silver tailed foxes last weekend in the forrest of East PDX, and to her friends who where imagining how fancy and uppy classy they would look wearing dead meat, I hope when the tides rises, the volcanos start erupting, the whole earth starts shaking up, you're caught without your dipers on. Captain Planet.
I know you think what you're doing is just getting your name out there and advertising for some artwork you aren't actually making. The thing is, the people who have to clean that up usually get paid shitty wages to work shitty jobs. I know I know if you don't like it, quit! but in Portland if you aren't willing to take those shitty jobs you probably can't pay your rent or feed yourself. So what do you say? Have a little bit of a heart and don't consciously try to make another human being's job difficult and just paint on a canvas like a real artist. You're terrific. I hope someday we can hold hands.
To the sociopathic asshole who tried to vehemently kick a pigeon at the Rose Quarter transit center Friday morning, and to his douchebag friends who brainlessly giggled about it: screw you! I hope that when the aliens inevitably invade the Earth you get repeatedly kicked in the face by the extraterrestrial overlords as they titter and guffaw at you...because you sir(s) are the true vermin infesting this planet.
I clicked on the link to read the" I, Anonymous" posts and a pop up advertisement for a Ronald Regan cap came up. Why would I want to spend $2.99 on such an ugly hat?
I fully support decriminalization of marijuana for a wide variety of reasons. It's usually the first bullshit charge on a black kid's rap sheet. It eats local much-needed dollars when education appears a form of abuse. It's passage can save millions of dollars instantly as well as exponentially, if applied to treatment and things to do with one's brain other than get dumb, save real future dollars. The trouble I have found with Prop 24 lies in the hiring of circus geeks who like the job because it allows them to go court and work when they need to. They barely speak clear English. Their eyes sometimes operate independently and validate the gateway drug argument and a million other stereotypes. I hear "I haven't been arrested for that" often when they review the job requirements. Stop hiring the cover of BUSTED.
Last Sunday afternoon, my boyfriend and I approached the Morrison bridge from downtown, about to set out on a two hour car ride to Olympia to see my dad. As we entered the bridge, a jangly, disheveled character jumped from the sidewalk, over the concrete barrier and barely missed getting hit by my car in what I assumed was an attempt to get hit. My boyfriend watched as I maneuvered around you and assured me that You weren't suicidal, just hopping over the barrier to collect something you dropped. I asked my boyfriend what it was and he said, "a ferret". At first I became wildly ecstatic that we could be so lucky as to be involved in such a bizarre series of events. A ferret dropped over the median and rescued just as swiftly! But the next two hours became a time of deep contemplation. We wondered if the ferret died or got hurt in the fall. My boyfriend thought maybe the ferret was dead to begin with because "it didn't really move"...and wouldn't a ferret run into traffic, or something? Then I began to distrust my boyfriend, thinking maybe it was a scarf, a fur scarf. This is the only forum i can think of that will ever give me a solid answer. I catch myself worrying about a hypothetical injured ferret and want to know if it's all in vain.
Hey Downtown Diner: You LOOK like you serve breakfast all day but lo, you stop at 11AM on the weekdays like people are beating down your door for lame lunch. And your servers get weirdly happy telling their customers this, too. Approaching us right away at the counter to bark, "We stopped serving breakfast!" Me: "What? Already?" Fat Bitchy Waitress: "Uh, yeah, at 11! It's after 11! (It was 11:15). Not everyone works 9-5 with weekends off. Portlanders like to go out the night before on weekdays, we're not the burbs, and leisurely wake up to a greasy spoon eatery. Why not just make all day breakfast, everyday? Duh. More $$ for you, more guests happy. We walked out. And we think you're really dumb.
OK I admit it, I cheated on you. When I broke up with you, you asked me if there was someone else. I lied and said "no absolutely not." For the next three months you practically stalked me... calling me every day, sending me emails, and even confronting me in public. Nagging me about how I broke your heart, and I was never going to be the same without you, and how you were the best thing that's ever happened to me. For a few minutes I felt bad that I was fucking my co-worker during the time I was only supposed to be fucking you. But after that last three months of hell you put me through, I'm suddenly feeling a lot better about it. I was fucking her. I admit it. I was fucking her. And it was pretty fucking great.
Goddamn you Portland Mercury. Where is your story on the FBI raid? This is a big deal to us I,A readers!
We deserve to know.
[JESUS! WE'RE IN A MEETING RIGHT NOW, CLIMB DOWN OFF OUR ASS WHYDON'TCHA?!? (Check Blogtown later this morning for the deets!)—eds]
Here is a big fat screw you to that nasty bitch that stormed out of Nosferatu at the Hollywood the other night. So you hated the band that was performing. Big fucking deal. You got your money back after making a big stink. Maybe you didn't get what this is all about. I've seen other shows in this series that totally rocked my balls off. If your big complaint was that you hated the band, then BOO-HOO. I've been to shows that sucked and knew that was the risk you take in seeing something new. Posting nasty comments on facebook about how the movie was ruined for you shows what a pathetic little princess, art school snatch you are. You made an ass out of yourself and want to brag about it. So here is some news, cupcake, other people enjoyed the show. You should shut your ugly mouth and understand, this is Portland, bitch! We thrive on the unusual. So if you and your art school education don't dig it, shut the fuck up about it.
Shame on you for duping me into trying your $5 happy hour burger! Your deceptive burger ad teased my taste buds into temptation, but when I finally made my way in to sample your HH menu, I was sadly disappointed to learn that the photo depicted in your ad resembled nothing like the sad burger that you delivered. Oh sure, I could have gotten the tantalizing burger that was shown in your ad with the cheese and bacon for an additional 2 bux, but why would I pay $7 for a happy hour burger when there are so many other options for bargain dining (and drinking) in Portland? Besides, I wanted the burger that you promised in your ad for 5 bux! Your ad should not say “Five Dollar Hamburgers", rather it should say, "Rip Off Burger (burger shown not actually $5)"
i sympathize with you, Most People. You have to get up early & go to bed early. Except on weekends. Your life is nicely regulated by a corporate clock.
Mine, however, is not. Since the age of 10, my circadian rhythm has been the opposite of Most People. My day is your night. Me, awake at 11 am, feels like Most People would at 4 am. Disoriented, exhausted, slightly ill & grumpy.
So, what i have to say is ~ Dear Friends; Please stop requesting that we get together at noon. i have known you for 20+ years, & you still don't get it? i don't ask you to meet me for a hike at 3 am. Why can't you understand, after 20+ years, that i am different from you?
And, neighbors? i am not allowed to make any noise, after 10 pm, or you will call the police. But, when i am asleep during the day, because i work the night shift, you can go to town with your power tools? Your children can SCREAM, you can blare horrible pop music & vacuum your car every other day right under my window. All of this, KNOWING that i work nights & i am trying to sleep.
Not everyone is blessed with a normal circadian cycle. Some of us have nights, & they are rather beautiful. But, it would be awesome if we were allowed to listen to music at night without cops, & could sleep in the day without power tools.
i just had to get this out there.
To the person who left me an encouraging note and a Snickers at the PSU library this evening: Thank you. I must have looked as stressed out as I felt, or maybe you're just the most intuitive person ever, but either way, thank you. I'm glad to know there are people like you in the world, and I'll try pass the love along in a fitting manner. You rock.
So that whole "getting busted for the naked chick tied up in your car" thing got a little more media coverage than you expected, huh? Your neighbors are pretty amused about that. You know, we've been tolerant of you and the constant outside nudity and the megaphone you use to call attention to it; we've been nice about the explosions; nobody called the cops on you for the 3am bike olympics and tshirt-gun firing in your backyard; we've looked the other way about debris, the junked car, the panel truck parked on the street, and the snotty fucking attitudes you sling around. Maybe, now that it's apparent that the rest of the world thinks you're irritating cartoony exhibitionists, you could repay the neighborhood's tolerance by being quiet when the rest of us are sleeping, jerks. A couple of us have actual jobs to get to in the mornings. Also it wouldn't kill you to say hello back. You are clearly not cooler than anybody else. Love, your neighbors, every single one of us.
To former Mayor Tom Potter: For the most part you were mediocre, always calling commissions to go over things, again and again. No foul, no gain. Meh. But you will be remembered for the insanity of encouraging cars to stop at all cross walks, street corners, etc. Now every moron armed with a car stops in the middle of major thoroughfare to let a cyclist, pedestrian, or other vehicle cross traffic creating not only more hazardous crossings for pedestrians, but confusion for cyclists (they are vehicles people!) and general safety cluster fucks. For this I will eternally curse you.
"Son, it's sunny today, why don't you go outside and find something to do?"
"Not now mom, I'm busy"
"You're always busy. I never know what you do in this basement all day"
"Not now, mom!"
"Son, your father and I are worried, you really should get out. You're getting pale and really fat"
"Gawd dangit mom, I'm busy! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
"You haven't paid rent in 6 months, your room smells like b.o. and pizza. Son, what do you do down here all day?"
"Jesus. Mom, I'm busy writing people online. These people write these stupid I, Anonymous posts and they're just dumb. So, I tell them that they're dumb. Can you leave me alone now?"
"Yeah mom, it's a thing where people complain about stuff. I spend all my time complaining about what they complain about. I mean, what they complain about is dumb and wrong and I need to show them good that they're wrong."
"Son, you're wasting your life. You need to lose some weight, wash your clothing and face, and maybe get a girlfriend."
"I can't right now mom! Someone just posted a rant about people not using their turn signals. Gawd, what a dumb post! Pass me that cold pizza on the table and let me get to work correcting this person."
"...son, I'm calling someone. Maybe the Health Dept., I don't know where we went wrong."
"Dangit mom, can you leave me alone please?! I'll take a shower next week and go outside, I need to upgrade my computer anyway. Pass that cold pizza dammit!"
It may not mean anything to you Mystery Drunk Driver, that opted to hit & run my parked Echo that literally welcomed me at the doorstep of The Lovecraft. I'm amazed that you were able to drive away after leaving my car crumbled on the sidewalk. You not only left me stranded after working a rather exhausting bar shift, but you took away from me 11 years worth of memories. I had that car since I was 16, it was the only thing in my life that I could rely on. It's been there with me through every breakup, every move, every adventure, every job, and every friendship. You're a terrible person for leaving me with such an emotional & financial burden.
Your Valentine gifts suck.
Portland. Get the fuck over it. The hipster thing? Who cares? And calling someone a hipster is over. Similarly vegans, over it!
Yes, their pretentious douchery was fun for a little while. But why do we keep heaping attention on those who seek it? Just ignore them and quietly laugh at their silly hats and scowly faced food choices. No one fucking cares anymore.
And the gentrification/not gentrification debate. No one really cares. North Portland will be overrun by sanctimonious white people within 5 years. Every individual has their own justification for doing so. It's going to happen. We need to move past it.
Same with Portlandia. BORING.
This down is dull, dull, dull! Nothing new under the sun motherfuckers.
Portland, you're fucking tedious. Don't let the Guardian get to your head. The UK is always behind the Times.
When having a good job was an asset. Nowadays, it's preferred to work at a coffee shop or have no job at all. There was a time when if a man was a good father, it was an asset. Nowadays, it's just baggage to have kids, much less love and care for them. If I'm not some child-hating asshole, then I'm no good. There was a time, when if you owned your own home, it was a good thing. Nowadays, if you don't live in your friend's basement and can't leave town on a whim, you're just tied down and are not 'free'. It's funny, how times have changed. What once were good things to find in a man are now things that most woman find unattractive. Sorry ladies, that I'm not a 30-something man with no responsibilities, working at a coffee shop and living in my friend's basement. Totally sorry.
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