This Week in the Mercury
Saturday, February 4, 2012
PULL UP!!!!!
Posted by Anonymous on Sat, Feb 4, 2012 at 7:16 PM
Dear Portland Area Drivers,
Please pull ALL THE WAY UP to the stop light when waiting at a red light.
You hanging back 5 yards doesn't help traffic. Three of you idiots all gap 15 feet between the car in front of you and you're occupying the length of a semi truck. No one is going to come ram into and send you into the car in front of you, so you can pull forward a little.
I thought the idea was to spend LESS time on the road, burn LESS gas and waste LESS time. C'mon, we're green, we're leading the fight against excessive waste. Now, pull the fuck up to the goddamn line so other people can make the light.
Thanks,
1
Look, last time. If you fucked the exhaust pipe of a food cart, shat yourself on trimet and used Street Roots to wipe or something else that's, you know, NOTSOMETHINGYOUSEEHAPPENEVERYDAY, then you DO post that here. If you have a trite first world traffic hinderance then you DO NOT post that here. Why? Because we all know traffic sucks and there is nothing remotely interesting about hearing one person gripe on something we all agree sucks. Are you also planning on writing about how long lines are unenjoyable and brown bananas are less favorable than fresh ones? How about a scathing letter detailing how annoying it is when a barista has the blatant audacity not to return your smile? Seriously, go take a creative writing class and learn how to NOT bore the fuck out of people before you run this column out of a job.
4
I'm sorry, I missed the part where you said what school your traffic engineering degree came from?
But really: ever been behind a manual transmission on a slight incline? Cars slide backward at signals regularly. If you're enough of an idiot to not leave space between your car and the one in front of you, you're probably not a great authority on "excessive waste," whatever the fuck that means. Leaving less space between cars will not get you through the light faster; paying attention to the task at hand instead of your phone/GPS/iPod/iPad/dog/kid will get everyone through the light faster.
Also, leaving room at the front of the line allows for greater visibility by drivers cross the intersection and provides a wider berth for trucks, etc, that may need extra maneuvering space to make a turn.
Long story short: you're an aggravated moron bitching about something sensible and safe because it somehow, inexplicably inconveniences you. GTFO.
But really: ever been behind a manual transmission on a slight incline? Cars slide backward at signals regularly. If you're enough of an idiot to not leave space between your car and the one in front of you, you're probably not a great authority on "excessive waste," whatever the fuck that means. Leaving less space between cars will not get you through the light faster; paying attention to the task at hand instead of your phone/GPS/iPod/iPad/dog/kid will get everyone through the light faster.
Also, leaving room at the front of the line allows for greater visibility by drivers cross the intersection and provides a wider berth for trucks, etc, that may need extra maneuvering space to make a turn.
Long story short: you're an aggravated moron bitching about something sensible and safe because it somehow, inexplicably inconveniences you. GTFO.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(#
on February 6, 2012 at 10:49 AM
· Report
5
plus, who wants to be up on the tailpipe of the car in front of you breathing their exhaust while waiting for the light? Especially if it's some douche bag dentist driving a mega diesel Ram 2500 or some shit like that.
6
IA is right. Too often you see it around here.
You don't have to crowd the bumper and inhale fumes either.
Up next in driving rants: dumbfucks who refuse to turn right on a red-light.
You don't have to crowd the bumper and inhale fumes either.
Up next in driving rants: dumbfucks who refuse to turn right on a red-light.
7
I think what they mean is that people here stop WAY FUCKING SHORT of the line at the red light. But you knew that.
8
Stop pulling into the crosswalks, asshole. Pedestrians don't like walking in the middle of intersections.
9
@7. I did know that. And I proceeded to address why it's a fucking ridiculous complaint. Pretty clearly, I thought.
10
I tend to stop a few feet short if I'm waiting to make a left. Why? Because people making a left towards me tend to turn in WAY too early. They could turn in a bit later and avoid the drama, but that almost never happens. Pull up too far and you take away their (early) apex, so I just let them have it.
11
I think food carts make the best "girlfriends" but I'd never write about it. A gentleman keeps that sort of thing to himself and the "lady".
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