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Monday, February 6, 2012

Slow Walkers I’m Going to Punch You in the Head

Posted by Anonymous on Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 3:15 PM

Dear ambling people of Portland. MOVE THE FUCK ALONG OR GET OUT OF MY WAY.

I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.

 

Comments (24) RSS

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1
Oh brother, where to even start...
Posted by DamosA on February 6, 2012 at 3:59 PM · Report
2
First, maybe you could try walking around them. This isn't Delhi. It's not even San Francisco. The sidewalks around you cannot possibly be THAT crowded.
Posted by ($8239f8h248cerfehjf23@&*@ebdjhb23f237OCDBO#BD*(# on February 6, 2012 at 4:07 PM · Report
3
i hear ya brother. and they drive like they walk: aimless, air-headed and in no hurry - AND STOPPING WHERE THERE IS NO FUCKING STOP SIGN!!!
Posted by dogtrot on February 6, 2012 at 4:21 PM · Report
4
#1: Perhaps from the beginning.
Posted by Leaky on February 6, 2012 at 4:31 PM · Report
5
"I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD"

Start with the people with too many piercings.
Posted by Anti freak on February 6, 2012 at 5:17 PM · Report
6
the slowest ones seem to be the widest ones.

Still, Gallant allows people to walk at their own speed. Goofus says "I'm going to punch you in the back of the head".
Posted by Eric in SE on February 6, 2012 at 5:46 PM · Report
7
yeah! punch anyone who doesn't move at the exact speed that you want them to be moving!

just be careful you don't slow down while punching people in the back of the head, or you might become a prime target for the ol' back-o-the-head punch yourself
Posted by ebag on February 6, 2012 at 7:01 PM · Report
8
Madam, I look forward to you trying it. I'm a gonna walk just as fast as I wanna, and your water-headed ass is gonna have a choice to make, I guess.
Posted by rich bachelor on February 6, 2012 at 7:46 PM · Report
9
No you won't.
Posted by scaler911 on February 6, 2012 at 8:38 PM · Report
10
Anti freak - too chicken-shit to start a FORMAL account, i see.
Posted by DamosA on February 6, 2012 at 10:23 PM · Report
11
@10 you do realize that every original IA posting could be done by a unregistered account, right? I'm not really following you ire towards commentators who are not registered yet you seem to not get the fact that the original posts on this part of the Mercury Blog were put up anonymously.
Posted by Sped on February 6, 2012 at 11:48 PM · Report
12
Slow walkers do suck. And what sucks even more are slow walkers who need to grocery shop with their 4 children, grandma, uncle, aunt & 3 nieces & nephews. Wherein a person can't even walk down an aisle, because the creatures are owning it.
Elderly or disabled ? Pass.
Yuppie human meandering down the middle of an aisle, a sidewalk, etc. like she owns it? That happens way too often & yes, it pisses me off. Not enough to pound someone down, though. But close.
Posted by kalikill on February 7, 2012 at 1:09 AM · Report
13
This is one of the dumbest goddamned IA's ever. That it's only two lines long goes to the sheer simple-mindedness of what ever retard posted it.

If a person is walking too slow [for you], WALK AROUND THEM! Man, i WISH someone would punch me in the back of the head for "walking too slow" (riding my ass, is more like like it). They'll receive an ass-beating they'll NEVER forget!
Posted by DamosA on February 7, 2012 at 1:37 AM · Report
14
Nope, this is totally legit ( other than the threat of violence). If i am walking, i want to get where i am going with a quickness. Humans taking up the middle of the walk-way, standing, contemplating hot sauce with 5 children blocking my way, pisses me off. Any human that is oblivious to others, sucks. That's my point, really.
Posted by kalikill on February 7, 2012 at 2:07 AM · Report
15

" Man, i WISH someone would punch me in the back of the head"




"simple-mindedness"
Posted by Anti freak on February 7, 2012 at 5:05 AM · Report
16
Gosh, i'm sorry Kal - i just don't see how this is IA is anything but a pissant gripe about nothing. Some people walk slow. Some people are really mega-fat and take up alot of space. Some people gather in groups and block off the entire sidewalk.

All mild, MILD annoyances at best. But i've NEVER encountered a scene whereas i couldn't just WALK AROUND them. I've found that saying this helps too, "Excuse me". Anytime i've said this, 100% of the time people have obliged.

I know i'm a "big scary guy" 'n all, but i feel like just saying those two little words ought to work for everybody.
Posted by DamosA on February 7, 2012 at 9:33 AM · Report
17
Get yourself a big dog. People will part like the red sea for a St. Bernard. Unless we are talking about the crowd of smokers in front of the Laurelthirst. They don't move for shit!
Posted by iceprez on February 7, 2012 at 9:58 AM · Report
18
You will totally punch a person in the back of the head! Or write a brief anonymous message on an obscure website. One or the other.
Posted by Blabby on February 7, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report
19
You're a big scary guy DamosA?......um,no. But in post #16 you actually posted something that makes sense. Perhaps your idiocy is improving. As for Anon....why not try crushing their heads? Practice with your thumb and finger...just remember to say 'I'm crushing your head!". Well, I have to shop so time to go...i will behind plenty of mouth breathing fat morons at F*** M****. But I am fast, well trained and agile so slipping around them is no problem even if I am taller..they will never see it. I may slip a few items in their baskets for added hilarity!
Posted by The Showstopper on February 7, 2012 at 12:55 PM · Report
20
"You're a big scary guy DamosA?......um,no."


I see you were successful at completely taking my words right out of context. I was making a reference to how i'm supposedly viewed by society in general.

But you clearly would've known that, had your reading comprehension been abit more astute.
Posted by DamosA on February 7, 2012 at 3:48 PM · Report
21
This IAnon is legit. It's nearly impossible to go around them because most of the time, they are weaving subtly back & forth, making it difficult to pick a side to go to. Sure, you can say "excuse me" but they act like they don't hear you.

Also irritating is the people that are stopped on the sidewalk that just suddenly start moving in a direction without looking.
Posted by Ritchie on February 8, 2012 at 1:40 PM · Report
22
"It's nearly impossible to go around them because most of the time..."



Is it, REALLY? B/c i've never had this be an issue for me. But if such were the case [for you], have you tried saying "Excuse Me"?
Posted by DamosA on February 8, 2012 at 10:39 PM · Report
23
Maybe try a brief jog? Speed walking can throw out a hip which could be surgery and time off from work. No one needs that just for trying to maneuver around a slow-poke. A head punch may work though I have never tried. A Double Dragon round house kick may free up an entire block for you if you are in a REAL hurry. Just food for thought.
Posted by UnicornSomersault on February 9, 2012 at 6:30 PM · Report
24
Hey DamosA, have you tried reading? Reread what I said, then reread what you said, then shut up. Also, always, shut up.
Posted by Ritchie on February 10, 2012 at 7:20 PM · Report

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