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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Children’s Movies are for Children (Except Pixar)

Posted by Anonymous on Tue, Mar 13, 2012 at 8:44 AM

Why, oh why will you women 20-39 years of age only watch movies made for children? Was I asleep in sex ed the day the teacher explained that it takes more than half the female lifetime to develop a need for characters that reflect the actual human condition, plot lines that make basic sense, and a more developed sense of humor than your average 8-year-old? Do grown people really need to waste time discussing how ‘Puss in Boots’ was cuter than the other ‘Shrek’ movies? What is it that’s so terrifying to the female psyche about any moviegoing experience that requires the audience to feel emotions deeper than glee-at-multicolored-scenery, favorite-animal-is-now-singing-favorite-song, lead-female-character-is-hilariously-sarcastic-but-otherwise-no-different-than-traditional-disney-princesses, and ending-was-spelled-out-in-the-preview-but-I-hate-surprises-anyway? THESE MOVIES ARE MADE TO ENTERTAIN BABIES! A little angst in a movie doesn’t make it that scary! A little sexual content in a movie doesn’t make it that slutty! A less-than-perfect ending doesn’t make it that depressing! I’m sorry life hasn’t shaped up to be the fairytale you expected, but it’s okay to readjust what you want out of life rather than hiding forever behind childhood naivety. Take a chance! Feel something! Quit intentionally pandering to yourself!

This actually goes for some guys too, now that I think about it.

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