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Monday, March 12, 2012

Dear Entitled SUV Drivers

Posted by Anonymous on Mon, Mar 12, 2012 at 4:48 PM

No, this isn't another "Why do you hate polar bears so much?" rant about how you're killing the earth because little Holden and Scarlett need more room to roam. It's about your delusion that your Super Hummer XXL is a COMPACT.

99% of the time I park my crappy two-door Civic (which is an ACTUAL compact) in the "compact" row in the Whole Foods parking lot, I'm flanked on either side by your behemoth rationalization-on-wheels. That means getting out of my car is going to look like a scene from a Marx Brothers movie, and actually pulling out of my space is going put the lives of other Whole-Foods-Shopping douchebags at risk because I can't see past the giant gadonkadonk of your Buick Enclave.

I'm sorry the "compact" spots are the ones closest to the store, but please at least give us crappy 10 year-old Civic owners ONE perk. We need it. Because no one has ever gotten laid in a Civic.

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