Hey neighbor, you must be a chef what with how much you're in the kitchen doing dishes and that great big dinner table in your living room. I'm sorry that when I moved to Portland I didn't have shades for three months, subjecting you to watching me drink and masturbate what must have seemed like all the time. I was pretty depressed, I'm better now. And I think we can both agree I have pretty shades.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!