I don't wash my hands. Not often, at least. Why? Because I despise most people, and I'd probably despise you. People are stupid, just look at the typical Republican voter, or Occupier. I feign politeness with people at work and in social settings, but inside I am actively hating them. Since I have this hate inside me, I want to inflict pain on the outside. Not in a physical sense, but in a smaller, microscopic way. So, I don't wash my hands after I piss or take a shit. I intentionally move my hand up and down door handles to make sure I coat them well. When I sneeze, I do it on my hand, hold it closed to keep the goo and disease warm and active, then rub it on the nearest door handle. I try to spread my bodily waste all over, so that people can be exposed to it. I relish the thought of my fecal matter or mucus being unknowingly picked up by another person. I'm a sick fuck and I'm a passive aggressive asshole, I know this. I guess spreading my shit around is a "thing" that I have. We all have hobbies, don't we?
It’s Like Shaking My Hand
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.