Everyone I met said I should get a dog. Out to dinner and sitting on the patio, most of my friends had their furry friends with them. I saw people walking them, playing with them and petting them... so I thought, "why not?". Jesus Fucking Christ, how I wish I could go back to being the dog-less friend. This dog of mine, he is as dumb as a fucking brick. This fucker barks ALL night long and when I put him outside so I can get some sleep, I have neighbors complaining. His shits, dear lord let me tell you about his shits: Not only are they twice the size of mine, but picking them up is absolute torture. I've vomited once, when scooping and scraping a warm pile of pudding-like shit he took on a lawn. People yell at me for not having him on a leash, he chews up the house when I leave him alone to go to work or out with friends. There is hair everywhere! And the saddest thing about it? The fucker is microchipped, which means I can't set him free out in the woods or let him loose somewhere in the city, old school style. No, I'm afraid that I'm stuck with this fucker forever. I fell into the Portland lifestyle and got a dog without really thinking it through and I blame no one but myself. I am fucking stuck with this mentally challenged, shit producing, incessantly barking, chewing up the house, fur shedding dog. Fucking great.
That Doggy in the Window? Yeah, He Was Too Much
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