To the dick who is in the #2 position at the company:
I know in our capitalistic world that the quality of being a "go-getter" is rewarded handsomely. My beef with you is that you're actually just a "bully" who hides behind business speak and catch phrases. The first time I met you as a guest at a corporate event I was floored by your inability to make eye contact, the clouds of hot air bravado rising off you like shit fumes from a pre-human, your unfortunate capri pants. In the years that I've known you I've never heard anyone express a kind word about you. I've heard plenty about your shitty music taste, your harpie wife who is obsessed with cupcakes, how you spend hours playing games on your phone or staring at walls while on the company dime. Here's the deal - nobody has to actually like you for you to succeed - this is already clear - but if you'd like to actually model some good behavior to make your business prosper that would be helpful. In the meantime I take comfort by picturing you on your deathbed surrounded only by cake-pops while the attending nurses play paper/rock/scissors to determine who has to change your diaper.
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