Dearest 'Dine and Dashers' from earlier this evening,
Thank you. While normally I would be appalled at such behavior, I guess I should feel honored to pick up over half of your tab on my dime. Certainly the show your three children put on while you sat there sipping your beers was well worth the cost of over two hours of tips. Plus, being the type that doesn't really like capitalism or money, I really appreciate the moment of introspection this transaction gave me to really look deep and realize just how much money really does mean to me. I guess, in the end, it was totally worth it, right? I'm totally about customer satisfaction, so you should feel happy sleeping tonight knowing that I, your server, feel truly blessed to provide a nearly cost free experience for you and your family. Cheers!