I don't know if you bourgeois theatre-goers know this, but the section of Market Street down by Keller Auditorium has traffic lights for a reason: To keep you from running down pedestrians in the crosswalk on your tipsy way home from a night at the theatre. Red lights are not there to look pretty! They mean STOP. I don't want to spend the last minutes of my life plastered on the grill of your fucking Mercedes Benz while staring into your rheumy Malbec-addled gaze.
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