To the jerk-off who smeared dog shit on our porch last week. I don't know where you get off, you passive aggressive Portland idiot, but we don't even own a dog. That's right, you picked the wrong house! And at seven and a half months pregnant, I really don't appreciate having to wipe dog shit off my porch at the end of an already long week. Why don't you be mature, write a passive aggressive note, or confirm that the people who live downstairs actually own a dog! Next time you come on our property, dog-poo or no, we're calling the cops.
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