Dear coworkers.

That smell? That smell is my butt. See, I've been eating healthier lately and that means less cheese. It appears there's such a thing as cheese tolerance as I had a pizza last night.

It hit my intestines like a bomb. That smell is the cheese from the pizza hitting my digestive tract and creating noxious gas. Now normally, I'd go into the bathroom or even outside to spare you. But right now that would mean about every 10 minutes.

They're not sharts either.

I don't have to poop yet. But for your and my sake.

I hope the poop comes soon.